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Just tired of life?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by super_dave31, Oct 23, 2008.

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  1. super_dave31

    super_dave31 Member

    When i was younger had a normal happy life

    Now that im older ive developed a condition similar to body dismorphic order.....

    And to be honest with you...... i cannot be fucked with life. with anything. in general i am now fully bored of life!

    My life now is split into 2 parts - young / pre body dismoprhic - and 2) after it was developed

    If any of you dont know what it is, its where your basically fucked over your looks and it can happen to anyone, and you dont have control over it (sounds ridiculous i know..)

    But one of my main thoughts is........ it does not suprise me. It does not suprise me that i have develpoed this. it does not suprise me, when i look back at being young, and look at my life now, it does not suprise me.... AT ALL - that this has happened to me! its almost as if life gave me a 'taster' ogf what my life could be like - and then with puberty, decided to take it all away from me and fuck my life up, and fuck me up , as a person!

    And i look at other people - for example a guy who got paralysed from the neck down - and his out look on life is great - hes positive - he wants to help charities etc - but ion my view - like i used to be like 'life can knock you down and you get back up' - well now my out look is - mate....... fucking look at yourself - your paralysed from the neck down, you are going to have a fucking shit life! (sorry, sounds harsh but its true) and in fact i would say his life is utterly pointless now. (hell, im suprised that hasnt happened to me!)

    and yeah basically i just look back at when i was younger and look at my life now and it just upsets me really.......

    Its funny - i went to las vegas for my holiday with 2 friends - first time ever to america - should have been the trip of my life time - and im sure for my 2 friends it was - me?? oh, it was ok - but while in my hotel room looking out the window , i was thinking how easy it could be to smash the window open (as theyre not windows you can adjust etc..) - and just jump out...... how easy it would be..... and it would all be over!

    Something holds me back from doing it obously, but i cant help but think one day i will smash that window and i will jump. but - what a fantastic holiday for me! should be a trip of a life time and instead im thinking of ways i could kill myself (writing like that it even makes me lol about the whole thing, literally makes me lol)

    And finally it just fucks me off when i think everyone in my family like my mum dad grand parents, NO ONE else suffers from this except me. they all got to live normal lifes it pisses me off.

    oh and i dont mean to be annoying, but do you know what the best part of this condition is?? that sufferers generally have it for their entire life
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 23, 2008
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Dave...so sorry you are feeling this way...it sounds so hard to have such a distorted image of your body...and to go to Vegas and feel like you could have been any where...please continue to let us know how you are doing...I am sure there are many ppl here who can relate to what you are saying...big hugs, J
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i can relate to what you said about the window in the hotel room. i went to dublin and felt the exact same way. it was the first thing i looked at when i checked in to my room.
  4. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear you're feeling so low and can really relate to what you're saying. I went on holiday to the Swiss Alps this summer and spent a lot of the time thinking how easy it would be to just fall off a mountain or find a huge cravasse to simply jump into. It was only really the fact that I was there with a good friend which stopped me. However I'm glad I didn't because hard as it gets at times I want to come through this. Don't know if I will but at the moment I'm going to keep trying. Hope you can find a way too. Good luck.
  5. Boing

    Boing Member

    That paralysed guy with the super-positive and super-upbeat attititude to life? Good luck to him and if he can make the best of a terrible situation then even better.

    I've no idea who he is, don't want to know, but I reckon he's got a massive support network of family,wife, friends etc..

    Remove all that and the guy would be topping himself within 6 months. Those who remove themselves and thereafter feign surprise are guilty liars.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 26, 2008
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