Just Tired

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Clockwork Reality, Dec 5, 2008.

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  1. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    Good afternoon to all.

    I've had several pretty stressful days . . . it seems like nothing I've done is right, and when I try to fix it, I just end up making it worse and making people angry. When I try to fix things, I'm accused of micromanaging; when I step back, I'm accused of not caring.

    I just want to make people happy, but apparently that's not happening. I try to make me happy at least, but that's hard, too. Vicious Catch 22, that one is. To experience happiness you must bring it. Lose one and you lose the other, and it's a bitch getting back on.

    I've been alone with my thoughts for the past twelve hours, going over my life, going over what I've done and failed to do. What impact have I made? Probably not a very good one.

    The bottom line is that I feel like I'm at a crossroads. One way points to another hard road, and I don't particularly feel like walking anymore right now.

    I'll be around. I'm not going to do anything. I'm just depressed and low, but I'll pick myself up again, I guess. I always have.

    Shit.
     
  2. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    I know just how it can get when whatever you do just seems to backfire. If you feel like you've reached a crossroads that's good because it enables a change of direction. Not all paths have to be hard. Hope you find a good one to follow. Best of luck to you.:smile:
     
  3. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    I appreciate your words, Snowraven. I'll e OK in a while. I'm not O right now. A few hard nights. Had plenty of stress. Panic attack this morning, hope that because my roommate was still drunk he won't rememer it. Been alone all afternoon, feel like entire world hates me. Not feeling well. Think I'll go back to bed.
     
  4. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    Ugh. Another bad day. My stomach hurts and I don't feel like eating. Not enough sleep last night. Everybody is mad at me and I can't say I blame them. I haven't told anybody how I feel because people are more interested in making me a villian and I guess I need to act the part.

    Hell, what's the point? I'm miserable and interacting with other people makes me more so. I also hate being alone so I guess I'm just screwed anyway you look at it.
     
  5. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    I hear you. And you sound saaaaad. I'm sorry. :sad:

    It'll be okay!

    Here. I'll do a bunch of stating the obvious because sometimes the obvious is the not-so-obvious when we're depressed:

    You sure a bunch of people are mad at you? Sometimes when we're all down on ourselves and depressed and shit, it's easy to create little stressful stories about people hating us and being out to get us in our heads.

    Maybe you're a bit more sensitive cos you're stressed out and you're noticing the subtle things that imply negativity and maybe you're reading further into them than you should.

    Either way, they'll probably get over it sooner or later. People aren't generally as... perseverant as they wanna be.

    You're not a villain... don't act the part. It'll just make you dislike yourself eventually (or more, if you do already). People who like you probably like you for your non-villain..ness... perhaps... maybe.

    I gather from reading your posts (I always like your writing style, btw) that you're pretty tough. This spell ...although it might be a hell of one, is merely a spell nonetheless.

    Don't let it beat you :eek:hmy: you can do it! you can win!

    You're okay. It'll pass. Sometimes being alone is better for a while, but be careful and don't think too much....

    In the meantime, I'm around if you need to chat.

    And you don't have to eat if your stomach hurts! I hope it feels better soon. :hug:
     
  6. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the words, Discarded. I'm glad there's somebody who knows where I'm coming from.

    This is going to sound strange, but do you know what I really wish right now? I wish that somebody would just go off on me. Tell me that I'm stupid and worthless so I could get some verification about my feelings. I'm sick of people giving me this dispassionate cold shoulder.

    I really don't want to go outside today.
     
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Stupidhat,
    I am sorry your depression has the best of you right now. I just want you to know that your words to me when I was down didn't fall on deaf ears. I listened to you and you had your share in helping me to think of alternatives. I just want you to know if you need to talk I am here just PM me, i'm usually around here somewhere at all different times a day and night. Take Care!~Joseph~
     
  8. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you are so down right now. I know what it's like when you have really depressed days, sometimes they drag into weeks or months. But you just gotta remember that, no mattter what, it will get better and you won't always feel like this. :hug:
     
  9. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    Feeling better. I realized that it's been a full week since the incident that has left me feeling low, nobody's yelled at me, I've not gotten in trouble at work. I still have my job and everything is OK.

    Stranger, I just saw you're from Florida. Which part? I'm from the Panhandle but I'm not living in Florida now.
     
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