Ive been trying my hardest this past week, i think.. Maybe im not (cause i really want to leave now). I can barely sleep nowdays cause everytime i close my eyes, i have this sick feeling cause i know i have to open them again, and put up w the same routine. (Yeah it sounds stupid.) I hate being around people. Even when i am asleep, my problems get to me. Even on these forums i feel like im irritating. Sometimes i think i shouldnt be on these forums cause my thoughts are too negative. I feel so mad at myself. It doesnt go away. Im confused. I most certainly do not wanna be alive any longer. Im not afraid to die cause i accepted it. Im confused as to why im still here. The sad thing is, i am 95 percent sure i have to wake up to tomorrow.. but i really want to find a way out tonight if a beautiful opportunity shows up tonight. I dont know why it matters, maybe im just venting.