Just to let off a bit of steam

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by midnightstar, Oct 29, 2012.

  1. midnightstar

    midnightstar Senior Member

    I'm tired of being the one to face pain alone. I'm tired of having to be "the strong one" then having my cries for help ignored. What do I have to do to get people to understand my pain? What do I have to do to stop being ignored and treated like a huge stinky turd? Why do I get begged for help from people then the moment I'm suffering everyone just turns their backs and walk away? Why do I have to even exist? Why didn't I die the day my old cat Dylan saved my life? Why can't I find the courage to just end it all? Why are people so crappy and heartless? Why do we have to suffer?

    Why does pain even have to exist? Why don't people get that it hurts me too much to be alive but I don't have the courage to end my pain and also it would just cause you folks here pain?

    I just want to die because I can't keep going much longer. If only I could go back to when I was happy. If only I could be someone else. If only I had courage but I'm a worthless hopeless stinky turd who everyone hates and I know I deserve to die.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 29, 2012
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I wish i had words to say something that would help - Please PM me if you want to talk ...

    :hug:
     
  3. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I'm sorry that you are not having the best time right now sweetie :hug:

    You say that your cries for help are ignored and you feel ignored in general. Have you tried telling the people around you what's going on and how you are feeling? Sometimes when we struggle we expect people to be mind readers and we assume that people know we are not going good, when in fact they more than likely have no idea. Tell them you aren't having a good day, share your worries and concerns it will lessen the weight on those shoulders of yours. You don't have to keep it bottled up. It's okay to say you're not having a good day. But unless you actually tell people, they won't know and they can't help.

    You say you want to go back to when you were happy. What has changed between now and then? What can you do now that can help you to reach that goal of happiness? What can you take from the past to apply to your future? Unfortunately you can't be someone else sweetie. It's easy to run and hide and it takes real courage to face up to our demons and it is achievable.
     
  4. Wispiwill

    Wispiwill Well-Known Member

    I've said the same things to myself before now (although not the bit about the cat).

    You're not alone.
     
  5. midnightstar

    midnightstar Senior Member

    I was happy when I was back in Yorkshire, then I was happy when I lived with my then-fiance. We split up, the cat Dylan got torn away from me even though I'd had him for almost 4 years (he was 7 when he was torn away from me - he's now 8), I can't talk to my mum about it because she's got problems and if I talk to her about what's going through my head she calls me selfish, 12 year old brother wouldn't understand and there's no one else in my life I can talk to, I'm waiting for a new appointment to see the counsellor.

    I'm trying to hold on but it's hard. Not sure how much longer I'll be able to hold on for. I'm sorry.
     
  6. Wispiwill

    Wispiwill Well-Known Member

    You can talk to us here. There'll be someone here that understands.