So it's time. A bit earlier than planned. I cannot go on. I cannot even cry anymore. I have been thinking about how some believe suicide will get you punished after you are dead. So when someone cannot go on with all the bad stuff and seeks something better they should be punished? When someone leaves a bad place (drugs, abuse or just beeing poor) and move to a different place in hopes of a better life - we should punish them? And what about the 'oh you will hurt people and make them sad'. So it is better to be sad every day and in such great pain each day just so others are not sad? I cannot control anything but this. I need to do this. I hope everything will be better for me after I am gone from this life.