I had the thoughts before I got drunk. But, all I want is all this physical crap to go away, I'm not suffering emotionally, that is why it's so damn hard. I have the two greatest kids in the world, and I would never want to leave either one of them behind, but always have to endur fatigue and pain, sometimes you just get so tired, you just don't think you can take it anymore.
SOMETIMES, I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO UNDERSTAND ME JUST THE WAY I FKN AM? SOMETIMES, I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO FKN GIVE ME A DAMN HUG, AND SAY HEY, IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY, I PROMISE I WILL BE HERE TO HELP YOU REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU DECIDE, AND I WILL UNDERSTAND NO MATTER WHAT DECISION IT IS THAT YOU MAKE.
omg, my daughter is so mad at me right now because she wants something to eat, and i am too drunk to drive, yet to make her happy, i said I would anyways, because yes, I love her enough to sacrifice the consiquenses. But she won't stop. Just wants to be angry at me when I am trying with her. I just bought her dinner at a restaurant hours ago and there is so much food in there, it would make a dog sick, but I am a dog for being a little tippsy right now I guess. Damn ME!!!!!!!
You think I sound bad, I am not as bad as I sound. Been laughing my ass off, and am crying alone right now. No one knows that but meeeeeeeeeeeee. She has no idea the horrific thoughts raging through my mind. The only reason I hang on is for her and my other child. But it's hard, to suffer, and be forced to live.....
I wish I could go somewhere after my son goes back out of state tomorrow, wish I could ask someone for help, but what the hell are they going to do with me ????????