I really have a lot of trouble expressing emotions with words which is why I've never been able to talk to people about my real problems... plus I find it hard to believe any of my problems are worth hearing or that they are problems at all. I always ignore my feelings until I just can't anymore in that case I just make sure I'm by myself. I have gone through a lot to try to suppress them I've been masochistic, I've withdrawn from friends and family, even two days after last Christmas I tried committing suicide... which is the only reason I'm reaching out now, I mean if I could then then why not again? I'm feeling the same as I did that day.. I feel hopeless, alone, worthless, and just terrible. I can't see anything I dream about coming to any fruition. I don't see my life getting past my mother's begging for money just so we can live. What's the point? I just try at everything so hard just to be told to give up. I can't do schoolwork right, I can't be a good friend, I can't play music, I can't write music, I can't write well, I can't even talk right. I'm not about to ask any of our family because they wouldn't like the real me anyway. All I find myself doing now is laying in bed occasionally taking a break to scream at my mother and she doesn't deserve it so why do I do it? I can't even be a good son. She's done all she can. I don't like being this talentless, worthless, unappreciative, angry jerk. all that's kept me from suicide again for so long is that I know it'd hurt my mother so much and she doesn't deserve that... but I couldn't stop myself last time so what if I can't again...?