Just tried to do it, but I couldn't.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by WannaEndit01, Aug 24, 2016.

  1. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    So I just set everything up to end it. (Note: you can't say how or what). I sat there trying to get the courage to do it. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I am not sure if I am afraid it might not work, and things will be even worse, or that it will work.

    In any case I could not do it. Now what? Wait and try again? Figure out how to go forward? Sit here and day dream?

    Should I even post this? Why post it. One of the problems is the Prozac it kicking in and screwing up my will to do it. It's actually deadening the pain. Which for all you who believe I should not do it is good. But for those you who believe I should do it, not so good.
     
  2. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hey there, I'm glad you didn't. But I know how it feels to be where you are. I don't think we really want to die, just end the pain. I still have days like that, but I just try and figure out another way of dealing with the pain I want to kill.
    Most times I'm not too successful, but after awhile the feelings subside and I go on. Hope you feel better soon my friend.
    Brian
     
  3. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    Everyday is like this and it will be for the rest of my time on earth. Sad but true. I should stop the prozac so I feel enough pain to do it.
     
    Brian777 likes this.
  4. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hhmmm......the feelings never vary in there intensity? But the Prozac makes you feel better, I'd keep taking it.
    Most of the time I just hold on to hope. We'll all die someday, I figure I'll just stay around and see what happens, who knows.....it may even get better. Btw I was at the same point you're at over last Christmas and New Years, it is a dark place to be.
     
  5. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    I'm sad to see that you attempted but you could not carry it out. I am glad that you are still here with us.

    I know yesterday you had a big meeting with the VP. You thought it went well. You will know a decision in two weeks. Why not just wait and find out the results of the meeting? Give yourself a chance. Do you have anyone you can rely on when you feel down? I really feel like you would benefit greatly from seeing a counselor. I know it is a headache and a giant pain in the ass; but aren't you worth it?

    Take Care
     
  6. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    Actually I believe I am being pretty rational here. The prozac is causing the problems. With out weighing down this thread with all the particulars. Suicide is my best options. As I mentioned above getting the courage to do it is the problem. I can try and lie to myself and paint a rosy picture. May live a few more days, weeks, even months. But the truth will not hide long. What I don't get, and I say this seriously, why does anyone give a crap about a stranger like me. For all you know I am a pedophile, which I am not. But if I was and I was still actively practicing how would you feel then?

    I am a guy who made some bad decisions that have left him old, unemployable, and alone. FYI: I am not a criminal. Just some very bad personal decisions.
     
  7. WhoaThisPlaceIsScary

    WhoaThisPlaceIsScary Well-Known Member

    The last bad personal decision will be to kill yourself.Don't do it.
     
  8. WhoaThisPlaceIsScary

    WhoaThisPlaceIsScary Well-Known Member

    Nice duck..duck taste amazing medium rare.
     
  9. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    That is the easiest question you ever asked. Simple because you are a fellow human being and you deserve compassion. You deserve love. You deserve kindness.
     
  10. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    Thanks. I don't actually agree I deserve it but thank you.