Before I start rambling about my mental imbalance, let me say some things about my self. I have an anxiety/panic disorder, that covers all the bases, social phobia, panic attacks, generalized chronic anxiety. I also have Major Depressive Disorder, and PTSD. I would like to apologize in advance for whining about this, I'm sure there are others who need more help than I do. But I could use some guidance, or a support group, or something. I don't know if anyone is actually going to read this but I will give it a shot. Well, my sister told me about this site a while back and I made an account and save the URL just in case. A lot of things lead me here i guess. I don't really know what to say. I feel like i don't even have the right to say anything about helping myself. You won't find any scars on my arms, or hear of me flying off the handle due to drugs, drinking or physical self harm. I have seen too many people do that and I cannot let myself end up there. The last time I got majorly depressed, I dropped out of school, and basically just stopped. I became agoraphobic (at least thats what everyone kept telling me.) for the better part of three years. My depression comes and goes. I don't really know what causes the flare ups, but I hate it so much.. It terrifies me. I wasn't handed the best life, my parents were addicted to drugs. My sister, only five years older than me, is schizophrenic and practically raised me. When i was 7 we were taken away to foster care for a year before we were sent to my fathers home. He was an alcoholic with a sever anger problem. I don't really need to say much more, except: 1.) yes, my mother is still a drug addict. 2.) yes my father is still an alcoholic. 3.) no, i do not have to battle these things anymore (at least not in the moment, but sometimes the past comes back to me for a flash, but thats PTSD for you.) My life isn't like that anymore, in fact, I just turned 18, and am looking for a job and apartment for me and my dog. I feel like I should feel fine and dandy living life like a normal person, but I can't shake this feeling. I am afraid that my depression is going to keep me from doing any of it though, eventhough i know that the only person who can make me better is me. I apologize for my ramble. I don't ever air my personal stuff where others can hear, but I don't know what else to do.