I've been feeling depressed and suicidal for a year and I think about it constantly. I dread waking up in the morning and doing my best to chug through another day and only feel relief when I go to bed at night when I can escape these feelings. This urge is overwhelming. I've had therapy, 3 months in a Partial Hospitalization Program and nothing shifts. The only way I have considered doing this is by rather 'peaceful' means and that's not easy to come by. I'm too scared to do anything violent. What do you do when your courage to live runs out, yet you can't summon the courage to die? It's like being in purgatory. I'd like to hear what others think because I really can't even talk to anyone about this, friends, family, spouse, not even my therapist wants to talk about this never ending ideation.