Just 'unattractive'

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Unattractive, Oct 15, 2006.

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  1. Unattractive

    Unattractive Guest

    I find myself to be very unattractive. Being tactful. I think I'm ugly as hell.

    It's really been depressing me alot. I couldn't really bring myself to post this. I'm kinda surprsied if it makes it to the 'post' button.

    It's like...judgments are just so thick. I have social anxiety. So I am definitly not a reat talker, but I'm a little better at it then I used to be. But even if I fixed my talking problem, I'm way too concerned of how I look. I'm not a vain person, but I have to say I really hate myself.

    Girls don't like me, I know they don't. I'm not overweight, but I probably might as well should be. Atleast overweight people can fix that...I can't fix how I feel about myself.

    Girls like the nice looking guys, attractive personalities, and muscular bodies. I've got neither. And I never will. I'm just way too stupid. I'm just gonna be a loser forever.

    Man, it's just like no matter what I do, I know I'm never going to be good enough. For the longest time I was way too quiet and avoidant for anyone to even notice me, and now it's no different.

    When I'm in social situations, I know that I lack the confidence. Girls like confidence, independent nature, and smooth talk. So what am I?

    Nothing. I always will be. I'm already so weak. I am insecure, unconfident, and all messed up.

    It's just over for me. I don't have a family, no friends..so no love makes me one empty person. I really want to die. I hurt myself, but haven't for awhile. But I'm definitly getting closer to.

    Nobody wants me around, maybe I should show myself the way out :cry:
  2. pillowperson27

    pillowperson27 Active Member

    you seem to know alot. have you considered Facial surgery? I'm going to beg (again) for one this christmas. if you think your ugly, go get surgery and get the confidence you deserve. do something about it. good luck.
  3. claycad

    claycad Well-Known Member

    Since I've never seen you, i can't say if your ugly or not but I am guessing it is all in your head. There is a mental disorder known as body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). It’s pretty rare only affecting less than 2% of the population. I don't know if that is what you have, but it could be. It can be treated with therapy and medication, so it couldn't hurt to talk to your doctor or a therapist and see if you can get a diagnosis.

    Here is a link that lists some of the symptoms, read them and see if it sounds like you. Hope it is of some help.


    BDD also causes people to form social anxiety because of their fear of rejection due to their apperence.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 15, 2006
  4. claycad

    claycad Well-Known Member

    You shouldn't assume she is actually ugly. There are some very attractive people who actually think they are not. Like anorexics who think they are fat, when obviously they are not.

    Maybe she is ugly, I don't know. If that is the case then perhaps plastic surgery is the case and could help your confidence, but I would talk to a therapist first before investing in surgery. I go through the same thing with my teeth, I hate my teeth. I would get them fixed, but it is way to expensive. I don't lose sleep over it though, I just don't smile:biggrin:

    If BDD is what you have, no amount of plastic surgery will help you, you will always think you will be ugly because it is in your head. So if you have BDD you need therapy for it.
  5. unattractive

    unattractive Guest

    I can't afford surgery. I've never had someon outright say I was...but I know I am, after all, I've never like really had a girlfriend.

    Bleh...wow, I really am that bad? I'm a guy...not a girl...
  6. eih

    eih Well-Known Member

    :hug: it probably doesnt matter to you much but I love shy and quiet guys.. that matches my personality... looks really don't matter.. I'm sure there's other girls out there that think that same I do..
  7. claycad

    claycad Well-Known Member

    opps, sorry. Girls are usually the ones who are hung up on their looks, so I just assumed, sorry my mistake. I always thought guys didn't care, guess I was wrong:tongue:

    You say that no one has actually outright said you are ugly? All the more reason to suspect it is all in your head and that you are not really ugly. If it is BDD it is a real mental disorder and can be diagnosed by a professional, it really can be fixed with therapy and meds. Seriously, I hope you can get the courage to seek out therapy and that it works for you.
  8. Unattractive

    Unattractive Guest

    Thank you eih...it means alot to me. I don't know, you might be one in a million. That or maybe just things don't really roll into my favor.

    But it means alot to me. Thanks again...
  9. unattractive

    unattractive Guest

    It's okay. I'm just on a low this evening.

    Maybe it is that BDD. I read the article, but I'm not really sure. I'm still with my parents, and they pay the bills, it's just I really don't want to tell anyone, especially them I've been like this.
  10. Will

    Will Staff Alumni

    I thought about it after awhile, and I decided to register. I hope I'm not dragging anybody down. Thanks for everyone's words and suggestions...
  11. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Hey hun, all the really matters is the inner beauty...if someone doesn't have anything to do with you...that's their problem and I am sure their loss. You seem to be bright and kind-hearted. Please, don't be so hard on yourself. And it's possible that you do have BDD. I don't know too much about it, but it's worth looking at. Maybe you should try a therapist. Therapy once I found the right one helped me tremendously. If you ever need to talk please know I am always here and you can never have too many friends.

    Try and stay safe and take care hun, okay?

    If you evfer want to talk on MSN don't hesitate to message me. My MSN: painNsiolence@hotmail.com

    Sending loads of hugs....:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

    Lots of love,
  12. lebigmac

    lebigmac Well-Known Member

    "if someone doesn't have anything to do with you...that's their problem and I am sure their loss."

    Yeah, but if NO ONE will have anything to do with you, that becomes YOUR problem and ultimately YOU're the one who loses.

    And dude, you just articulated what I’ve been going through, and it’s probably my main source of depression. Like you, I feel totally inadequate because of how I look. Sure, I’m tall and svelte with broad shoulders, but from the neck up I’m hideous. It's why I'm a virgin whose never had a gf... not because I have any personality defect but because I'm ugly. I actually used to believe that someone could find me attractive despite not having the nicest looking face. If only.

    People who say looks don’t matter and that "inner beauty" is what counts are generally at least average. Let's face it (no pun intended), you are your appearance. No one has the ability to see your “inner beauty” if you're ugly on the outside. The sooner guys like us come to terms with that, the faster we can move on and try and make the best with what we have.

    My advice to you would be to work towards attaining material wealth and success. If you can achieve this, there’s a good chance some gold digger will come along and at least provide you with the allusion of affection. She probably won’t love or respect you and will most definitely cheat with better looking guys, but it’s better than nothing. Of course escort services are always a viable option if you're just looking to get your carrot waxed.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 16, 2006
  13. Will

    Will Staff Alumni

    If that's ultimately the ending product, then I don't even want to try. If love is that empty, it's obvious I'm not going anywhere from here.

    If it's not even true, it's not worth even trying.
  14. wild_babe

    wild_babe Guest

    Yeah well Im a girl...and looks really arent top on my agenda. I want someone who is genuine and who s into what im into/ who i can feel comfortable round. seriously, if i got on with a guy and he genuinely cared for me and took CARE of his looks - as in shaved, looked after his body - so did the best he could with what he had and we got on, id be right in there! Looks arent important - i just want someone who looks after themselves - so unshaven with greasy hair and scruffy clothes is off the agenda! but facial appearence and muscles are not imp to me atall!
    I ve been approached by a few guys,there were some really good looking ones but the only person i pulled...then dated etc was someone who wasnt neccesarily the hottest guy looks wise but had the right personality.
    So girls arent really that shallow. Plus if ur not a brad pitt lookalike at least you wont get loadsa shallow bimbos chasing you and ur gf wont get jealous.
    Anyway, its not about having someone for the sake of it. Its about - if you happen to meet someone you connect with, you fall in love, not about saing you have someone. I mean im still a virgin, there s plenty of times i could have had a shag, with some fit men, but im waiting for the right person.

    anyway, dont kill urself - you have one life, make the most of it. you can c, hear, have food, shelter etc. so you can make something great of ur life if you want to. i was so desperate to kill myself for ages,then i thot - fuck that idea - i may as well stick it out for a few more decades and c what happens - as i can see, hear etc, i have a potential to make my mark on the world.
    don t waste ur life.
    make the most of each day
    u never no whats round the corner.
    take care
  15. Will

    Will Staff Alumni

    That's pretty much what I'm looking for. I don't think I could have said it better myself.

    I'm a pretty responsible person, I'm clean, and I take decent care of myself and around, etc. But It's just kind of bugging me, because there's always that stereotype.

    I don't believe girls are completely shallow, because guys can be just as bad. It's just like one of those things that really bugs me, and doesn't leave me alone.

    It's hard, but I think I'm waiting for the same thing. But I'm still in that hole of Suicide.
  16. tip

    tip Guest

    hey bro, jst wanted to send out a reply cos I can relate 2u

    This is something that happens to me alot too

    Im just so ugly.... I look at myself in the mirror and i see this chubby-faced kid, what girl would want this dweeb?

    girls, the vast majority, place looks as being important.

    WHats wrong with me...the girls I want dont give a shit, y personality never shines becos I can't et past the looks.

    All that gets me through is that in life there is always that 1 person, you just have to wait and find em.

    there are non-looks related girls out there, they are just so hard to find!

    Girls with good looks generally have a rubbish shallow personality or only like dickheads who mess them about anyway!

    Jst don't change for their sake, be who you are, realness is a great trait
  17. Will

    Will Staff Alumni

    Yeah, most girls with looks don't have good personalities. Rarely does anyone find that jewel in the sand.

    It's just hard to really get past it. I do the same thing you do.

    The whole mirror thing. I can't stand accidentally looking into one. Even if it's just me, I'm still too self conscious to want to even look at it. It hurts alot.

    Even though alot of people (not just girls) claim to look past looks, most don't. Some say it because it just seems like the right thing to say, but very few mean it.

    That's just how shallow the world is.

    It kinda seems like there's only a few who really grasp what I'm saying...

    Finding someone is just so hard...
  18. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Far too much emphasis put on appearance these days...far, far too much. Fucking stupid pop magazines and culture. *End Rant*

    Anywayz im a guy...and mmm I dont think im ugly, but im not exactly athletic either, im not overweight at all...just not trim-taunt.

    I think my problem is massive lack in confidence...anywayz ive gone over all this before in other posts on the boards.

    A lot of it is in my head I think...and too be honest your probably in the same boat...

    Have you ever had anybody say your ugly straight up? It rarely happens.

    Woman dont look past looks..neither do men, they still have to find you attractive. Its basic instinct...a mate needs to find you attractive for procreation purposes. In saying that I dont think woman are as hypercritical as most people might think.

    What do woman normally want when anyone does a survey

    1) Sense of humour
    2) Confidence
    3) Some sort of future
    4) A healthy mate
    5) Fun

    And what do men want...exactly the same thing, but with boobs.

    My 2 c
  19. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    I dont give the smallest care about the way a guy looks when i want to find someone and thats the honest truth. Sure ill see guys in the street and say "oh there pretty hot" but i dont care wheni find someone if there the ugliest thing that walked to planet. I dont really believe in 'Ugly'. Im a person that ALWAYS looks inside someone, that always cares wether there nice, mean, ugly or hot.

    I want to end up with someone with confidence - even if its me that gives it to them - someone that will love me, someone that i can trust and someone i can feel comfortable aorund. I believe in second, third, 1 millionth chances. Please dont think that all everyone cares about it the way you look. because i dont.
  20. tip

    tip Guest

    On the nose man, so many talk about personality and sense of humour and that stuff. But when it comes down to it they'd choose some ripped guy (who'll treat them like crap) any and everyday over someone not as good looking, BUT who'd treat them right.

    I won't lie, when I look for a girl, looks are kind of important, but if she has no personality or anything then its just not going to happen. I've never been into these supermodel skinny girls, I like cute girls, with curves..jst normal girls - basically someone with a smile that you look forward to coming home to everyday and when they say things are ok..it really feels like they are. I don't look at her bum or boobs or anything like that, if the smiles gets me then thats it.

    You know what gets me! The girls I like the most, and think about loads and loads, they are the ones I never get. It's not like I try too hard with them or anything, it's just....i dunno it seems like nothing is ever gonna happen! In my life theres been 3 of them, kind of 4 now. And all of them..well just depresses me how much I listen to some songs and think of them still, and theres just NO chance with them, its friends at best!!

    I get you man, its so hard finding someone, we men are just as hypocritical in this all as women but to be perfectly honest the power lies with them and I think women are alot more looks-conscious in guys than the opposite. I've seen it first hand, looks are hot - personality is rubbish, or the other way round.

    The thing is what do you define as your ideal looking girl, cos it really does vary from person to person, same with personality. Thats why I thik somwhere there is that 1 who has not the "Perfect" mix for a person, but the perfect mix for you. It's just why do we have to wait!

    We all need love, but trust me man, you ain't gonna be going on cosmetic surgery live anytime soon, just accept who you are - if anything if you come across as a confident man them girls will think "why is he so confident" or observe the walk you walk or carry yourself - its very likely that'll increase your appeal. I swear by this - trinny and susannah told me
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