I dont know what is good or what is bad anymore; i just do whatever gives me satisfaction at the moment.( and that's nothing) I'm too ashamed of leaving my house, due to the fact i'm so fat. I don't want to have sex no more. I think i have become asexual. I don't care about anyone no more, other than myself. I reject/avoid dates, and i'm constantly lying to everyone. I am too lazy to work or finish college. I'm constantly wishing some rich man could save me, and marry me. Or getting back with my ex, he has money. I'm egocentric, pathetic, jealous, constantly thinking i deserve the best, and i'm the biggest shit. I am emotionless. Yet, I feel the need of being cared and loved, i could die otherwise, and i'm being serious. I push people away, but then I feel sad and depressed when I see myself lonely. I betrayed my mother, and now she doesn't love me anymore, that just kills me. Everyday i'm thinking about it, and i can't get off my mind i just deserve to die. I can't help it, nor I can't forgive myself. I'm too embarrased to drink pills, ending up in the hospital, ALIVE. If i don't move out of my house in the proximate months, before this year ends; i think i will dissapeared, and not telling anyone. I can't stop thinking about my weight, that's the only thing i care about, and yes, it is pathetic, indeed. I'm stubborn, bipolar, and tend to make people feel bad. Because i'm a selfish, pathetic fuck. I have lost hope in life... end of story. Sorry, i needed to vent.