just venting...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Sparrow91, Sep 27, 2013.

  1. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    This is pointless. I have no friends, when I have a chance to make friend I fuck it up. Lately I've been having shitty days. Days are getting worse and worse. I stop talking to people I start containing everything within me. People begin to think I am ignoring them, that maybe I don't like them but its not true. I can't bring myself to just get passed this and talk. I keep to myself when I feel bad and it makes me feel worse when people take it differently. Seriously what am I suppose to tell them leave me alone I'm having a bad week. Then they want to know why, I can't tell them why I just don't want to talk. I hate attention. I hate when people feel sorry for me. I'm so confused. Then I realize I can't even think about the future so who gives a fuck what everyone else thinks. But deep down I do. This back and forth debate pisses me off and I can't shut it up. I cant even begin to list what's wrong with me. It drives me crazy deep inside. There is no true confidence in me, maybe that's what it is. Or shyness. Ill never figure it out. I don't like to ignore people but I'm not in a social mood, rather be left alone to cut, think and think some more . Cutting more and more, just to forget everything, slip away into another world for a few moments. Im stressing out cause everything is spiraling down and out of control and my denial, the thoughts that made me think yea things get better, is starting to fall apart and now the hope is disappearing right before my eyes. I'm screwed.
     
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    May not apply but what I have come to do is...I don't allow myself to have hope. Ever. Then if something good does happen for me, it's a bonus. But if it doesn't, well at least I didn't hurt myself by yet another failure in my eyes.
     
  3. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    Good advice. Thank you. It is hard to just rid myself of hope but lately its been easier and easier.