This will be a jumbled mess...even if this doesn't get read by anyone I just want to vent I think I had been doing good. Well I was I don't know what changed or what triggered it I guess it could be a lot of things but I want to not feel like this again. I'm so stressed with the new job, I feel alone even though I live with the SO. I feel like my only "friends" are his friends. It's true thou the only friend I have he just accused me of cheating on him with, I don't even know if I should bother keeping up the friendship now. I could barely sleep last night at all either I was up all night with those same reoccurring thoughts of worthlessness and hate for myself. Thinking of how to SH without him noticing, thinking of doing things to slowly hurt myself from the inside. It's not like I ever really stopped the little stuff but I can't help but start thinking about it more and more and more. I want to go back to hurting myself, I want to not be here and I just don't care anymore. I just wish I could be forgotten that I could just go be by myself and stay away from everyone, just go wither away and have no one notice,. Somewhere I could go and be alone and not have to worry abut people noticing that I'm not doing ok so I don't have to try to hide it from them either. I just want to be alone and be able to not ry to put on a big happy face when I don't want to. I just want to go.