Just venting

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by FBD, Aug 31, 2014.

  1. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    This will be a jumbled mess...even if this doesn't get read by anyone I just want to vent I think

    I had been doing good. Well I was I don't know what changed or what triggered it I guess it could be a lot of things but I want to not feel like this again.

    I'm so stressed with the new job, I feel alone even though I live with the SO. I feel like my only "friends" are his friends. It's true thou the only friend I have he just accused me of cheating on him with, I don't even know if I should bother keeping up the friendship now.

    I could barely sleep last night at all either I was up all night with those same reoccurring thoughts of worthlessness and hate for myself. Thinking of how to SH without him noticing, thinking of doing things to slowly hurt myself from the inside. It's not like I ever really stopped the little stuff but I can't help but start thinking about it more and more and more. I want to go back to hurting myself, I want to not be here and I just don't care anymore.

    I just wish I could be forgotten that I could just go be by myself and stay away from everyone, just go wither away and have no one notice,. Somewhere I could go and be alone and not have to worry abut people noticing that I'm not doing ok so I don't have to try to hide it from them either. I just want to be alone and be able to not ry to put on a big happy face when I don't want to.

    I just want to go.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi FBD i hear your pain and i hope you do not harm you. You just let the one that harm you win if you self harm If he accused you of cheating perhaps it is he who is doing cheating and he is putting the guilt onto you. Ask this person who accused you of cheating why they have done so and let them know how hurtful it was of them
    You do not have to stay in a relationship where there is no trust find someone else
    It is hard wearing that mask of happiness i do h ope you get professional help to prevent you from harming you and to help you decrease the sadness within hugs
  3. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    We've talked about it and I see where the accusation came from, and I think he feels worse about accusing me than I feel about being accused if that's even possible.

    Thanks for your response and kind words I appreciate it *hugs*