I have been conditioned thru all of my life, even in early childhood thanks to everything from being bullied in frade school to disappoints in high school and my drum corps years, thru the failure of my marriage as an adult to know that whenever something good happens, surely there will be an equal event of pain that will follow. It's just how it has always been. And for the past 2 weeks I have been living under that cloud of doom. Waiting for it. Knowing that it will surely come. And so....I have grown tired of waiting. I just want to walk away. Run away. get away from the world I know. go and hide in a dark cave somewhere and watch the world from the opening pass me by. I feel like on certain days I no longer have the energy to keep running in this rat race. It would be so easy to do it. Just go home, pack up some stuff and leave. No notes...no goodbyes....just leave. Not to hurt my family, not to do anything, except to escape from the doom that will surely come again. But I can't escape can I? I have to stay and fight. I am an adult. A grown man. I have responsibilities. I don;t get to cower in the corner. I have to stand brave and tall and take on the hurricane force winds of life, head on. I just want to sit down and escape from the crap. For just one minute. For just one hour or one day.