Just Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Godsdrummer, Aug 21, 2009.

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  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I have been conditioned thru all of my life, even in early childhood thanks to everything from being bullied in frade school to disappoints in high school and my drum corps years, thru the failure of my marriage as an adult to know that whenever something good happens, surely there will be an equal event of pain that will follow.

    It's just how it has always been.

    And for the past 2 weeks I have been living under that cloud of doom. Waiting for it. Knowing that it will surely come.

    And so....I have grown tired of waiting.

    I just want to walk away. Run away. get away from the world I know. go and hide in a dark cave somewhere and watch the world from the opening pass me by.

    I feel like on certain days I no longer have the energy to keep running in this rat race.

    It would be so easy to do it. Just go home, pack up some stuff and leave.
    No notes...no goodbyes....just leave.

    Not to hurt my family, not to do anything, except to escape from the doom that will surely come again.

    But I can't escape can I?

    I have to stay and fight. I am an adult. A grown man. I have responsibilities.

    I don;t get to cower in the corner. I have to stand brave and tall and take on the hurricane force winds of life, head on.

    I just want to sit down and escape from the crap. For just one minute. For just one hour or one day.
  2. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    i think iv always ran away from my problems or issues.. i sometimes convince myself that running away from everything would solve it all.. but sadly deep down i know it wont..
    i know what u mean about feeling ok - but then also knowing - well this is the case with myself - that the happier i become .. the worse and lowest i will feel when the inevitable depression takes hold again..
    its a horrible cycle..
    dont get me wrong i want 2 be happy.. but knowing that hole is open ready for me 2 fall back in2 again .. well.. it sucks :(

    sorry i know this probably hasnt helped..
    but just so u know ur not alone :hug: x
  3. akito38

    akito38 Member

    I have similar problems. Every time I start to make progress in life (even working in any job or just being out is extremely hard for me) something happens and it all collapses. First time it happened was when I dropped out of high school.. I Finally after a few years was able to get a job. and things went well. But then it all fell apart I had a horrible break down and was unable to even leave my house. after that many years passed with some minor break downs still not able to work. Finally things have started to go somewhat well again. I am trying to get my IT certifications so I can go and become a productive member of society again. But even now I fear I am teetering on another break down. If I can't do this I will have no future. I don't have enough money for any more education and my parents wont be around to help me forever. I feel I am on my last chance.

    I feel if I fail at this then I will have nothing left but a life of horrible poverty and misery ahead of me.
  4. silent_enigma

    silent_enigma Well-Known Member

    That's superstitious talk.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Try not to think about what is going to happen try to just live in the moment try to take each day as it comes and believe the next day will only get better.
    try to change that old pattern of thinking to a new pattern a new outcome this time. I know this feeling you have andits because you are not comfortable in this happy place yet but you will get there. You will accept that you have the right to be happy like everyone else does. Keep taking each day as it comes you are doing great and try not to worry about tommorrow.
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