just wandering what im achieving

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by patacake, Jul 7, 2008.

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  1. patacake

    patacake Well-Known Member


    im just pondering the site and what im acieving, :huh:

    Firtsly I dont regret coming here at all , i ve met some wonderful people some of them Im sure will be life long friends.:smile:

    Thankyou to everyone who has made a friend of me since I came here on 2nd May 2008 :biggrin:

    Many have been kind to me and many have given me the priveledge of trying to support them and any support i have managed to offer has been heartfelt
    and totally genuine, :rolleyes:

    I feel for so many here for so many different reasons , for what they went through are going through and wil continue to go through,

    Regarding what I am achieving on a personal level is more complicated for a number of reasons, some I cant post about ,but....
    what i believe the site has done for me is given me time sitting here reading , repling , time that i have or seem to have utilised to drag from my closet a number of almost life long demons that have harmed me in everyway i feel i can imagine at this moment . Pain that I have carried and whilst not addressing it has been busy turning me into the troubled person I am at times today , or at least helped to. :sad:

    This has been a new thing for me i dont do releasing , reliving , sharing as much as i wish my heart could , i have ended up with my best reallife friend dawn (donethat) having to listen to my stories of how i got here to this point in a pm message :mad: even now and afer all we ve been through and the many guilts i force myself to carry , even with her my most trusted friend i could nt release my pain face to face,

    so im waiting now sf , will u help to rid me of my tormented thoughts and my need of guilt and punishment. I ve been offered counselling , CBT, to help unravel me , i knew somwhow thwy would nt work. 2 months hre and at something of a reate difficult to cope with i seem to be unraveling myself.

    I dont know but i believe everyone here is worth it so im trying to believe that what happens to me one day as result of coming here wil be to find peace and safety from heartache

    I still believe that whatever we ve all been through we get to carve our own destiny , Even after the worst things in life we have somehow the chance to clear the mist and carry on , im trying to do this , im trying to make plans for the future .

    ty for reading , its waffle as it confuses me,

    ty everyone

    mostly ty Dawn for opening ur troubled over burdened heart to encompass my struggle , there are others too who know they have helped me


    Everyone here i hope u find what u come for , and hope u deal with happens when ur isses leave their storages boxes and become part of ur everyday thought again , i can only hope so , i have 4 beautiful children for whom I get up every day and will fight to ensure I always do so

    Jo xxxxxxxxxx
  2. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    You certainly have your head on your shoulders, which I think is a huge plus, not just because you've suffered so much, but because it's so easy for anyone to get sidetracked and lose track of their goals or their way of thinking.

    I don't know about us creating our own destiny.. if someone killed me right now, how would I have control over it?.. but you might be right. Life is confusing, and I don't think it's something any of us can really figure out. You can pick up a frog and it won't know what's happening to it. Well, I'm sure the same happens to us, with the weather at the very least.

    Your affection for others knows no limits, and you're so strong and resilient. Thanks for sharing. Your kids must be proud of you.
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Jo, I think as time goes on you will find you can share more of where your pain originates. As you are talking with others and they share their stories, you can sometimes recognize yourself and you share bits and pieces of you. Because of your experiences you are able to find compassion for those who need to confide in someone. Our lives, while different, have common threads. You will beat your demons and your friends are there to help you. :hug:
  4. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    You are and will always be most welcome, as far as not being able to share face to face i think you will find its a begining of a process, a process of trusting and then sharing in what ever format you can, you recall i started with my counsellor in picture form i couldnt write it nor read it to her to begin with, you will become more confident that those you choose to share with wont judge you and the more you come to terms with that the more comfortable you will be though it never comes easy my friend. I have no problem being there to listen to you because i always knew as did you there were troubles deep within both of us and im a firm believer in if you want to share you know ill listen and i will also not betray your trust, you have never judged me jo even on those occasions that i swallowed to many pills and you supported my kids, sat with Dan at my bedside reasurring him that he was loved, or when you found me sat wanting to ............. myself and called the crisis team who were then able to support me for a while. Those are the things that amongst the many good things that will never be forgotten, and i will be there to support you through this time to, you have started on a long journey, but at least now you are on the road it may come to a dead end or a cross roads at times, but one thing is for sure you will reach your destination i know you well enough for that.

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