just wanna cry

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by dazzle11215, Apr 3, 2008.

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  1. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    sigh. not even sure i'm gonna even post this, just wanna get it down.
    some of you have been following my ups and downs with mental health services here, esp. the community nurse i've been working with.

    i found a therapist to work with and we had our first meeting on monday this week. talked to the nurse on tuesday for our regular bi-weekly call. agreed that i'd talk to her in 3 weeks to update her on how it's going. at her suggestion - weeks ago - we agreed i'd disengage from the mental health services as i started therapy, that way i wouldn't have competing approaches in terms of treatment and recovery.

    yesterday i was in a great mood and thought i'd send the nurse a card saying thanks for all the help she'd given me so far. she got the card today and called me, worried that it was some kind of suicide note. she asked "was i thinking of harming myself" blah blah blah....

    sigh. what i feel like is: are you even allowed to get better? does everything have to be interpreted in the worse possible light? i feel like a moron. an idiot. a loser. i just want to cry.

    and mostly i really, really want to cut. i'm embarassed that i sent the card and for some strange reason i just feel so hurt by this.

    sadness. once again, and i don't know how, i screwed things up. man, what a moron i am.

  2. Believe

    Believe Well-Known Member

    Don't let her reaction bother you. People around us have covert ways of reminding us that we are not quite whole, of the past - I have learned to ignore it. They don't reflect who I am.

    If you feel good about the note you sent (and you should - it was a great gesture on your part!), then that is all that matters. Don't let others define who you are. If you feel you're getting better, then you are. :)
  3. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    dont feel bad hun, the card was a lovely gesture, and was obviously just misintrpreted. The nurse is just concerned about you, and is making sure you are okay.

    I know you feel bad, but i am pleased you are being looked after so throughly.

    Please try and stay strong. If you want to talk, PM me :hugs:
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