Its just all too much for me... with the dog being put down, my horse lame, my mother breaking down more, father sick, brother getting worse and worse, all my friends on here are going downhill, i feel more exiled at school (probs my own fault) i just feel like there is no point. no matter how hard i try, to stop siing, to help others, to take care of my animals and family... i seem to not be enough... i just want to cry, but i cant bear myself when i do. Im such a whimp... im so useless... im always in the way... im a pain in the ass... im only hurting people more... so why am i still here? Why do i keep staying... what the fuck is the point? i go... everyone forgets in a few weeeks... i was at lunch today, my boyfriend was talking about how suicide was the most selfish thing a person could do, then they started making jokes about cutters.... hes not usually like this... hes usually such a nice guy, it hurt so much, and i had to try so hard not to cry. I was gonig to try to tell him about what i do to myself... but i cant now... i just cant... everything has gone to hell, or more like everything has gone deeper into hell... so i guess once again i will say fuck it, and withdrawl into my own personal hell.