just want it to end

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Laura Short, Aug 8, 2016.

  1. Laura Short

    Laura Short New Member

    I'll keep this short and to the point. I have struggled with depression for years, and have had suicidal thoughts before, I'm just too much of a coward to actually act. My past has been full of failed relationships, due to either myself fucking things up or choosing to date jerks. Now I have been happily with this guy for over 2 years, and we got married 3 months ago. We are already running into problems, due to me bringing up this other guy I knew who I thought I had forgot about but feelings came back up lately. Haven't talked to him or anything, but I told my husband cuz I wanted to be open with him.
    Now he's angry and probably thinking about leaving me. I mean why not. We've only been married 3 months and I'm already fucking things up. He deserves better. Everyone does. He's a smart guy, he knows he can do better. The world would be a better place if I just didn't exist. <Mod Edit:methods>I just don't want to lose him, he's the best thing that ever happened to me and I don't fucking deserve it. When I die he can be free to find someone whose mind isn't so..fuckulated. Ive already got my will all done and the right car. Just need to write some kind of last note later. If I even decide to.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 8, 2016
  2. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    Just to be clear-are you (A)posting on this forum to vent or (B) posting on this forum because you want someone to help you stop hating yourself so much? BTW-I love your sense of humor. When you can point it the right direction a good sense of humor can take you a long way in this world. Best wishes-LT
     
  3. Laura Short

    Laura Short New Member

    Just to vent I guess. I didn't know where else to post it.
     
  4. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    I hope things get better for you soon-if you ever want to talk about (B) there are many on this forum who can help. Nobody I know has a perfect life-but things can get better than wanting to end your life on a frequent basis. Best wishes and good luck-LT
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi @Laura Short You do not have to resort to ending your life because of a failing relationship. Get marriage counselling. Talk to friends and family, tell them how you feel and hopefully they can help you feel somewhat better about yourself,I don't think you don't want to die hun, by the sounds of it you just want the pain to end. The self-hatred you have for yourself seems quite severe. Counselling can help you deal with that in ways you didn't know possible. Keep talking to us here and reach out and keep us posted!
     
  6. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    Hi Laura Short, I am Mox

    If you do not feel like you are SAFE from hurting yourself , please go to the nearest ER and get the help you need. I believe your husband will not want to loose his new bride.

    Thanks for joining us and sharing a little bit of your story with us. The more you share , the more we can help you.

    I feel like you are being awfully hard on yourself. Going to tell you a secret, Marriage is F'g hard. Going to tell you another secret, No one is perfect, we all make mistakes. I know all the tv shows and movies it makes everything so easy, but its not. You obviously care about this guy or you would not have married him. People make mistakes, arguing and having disagreements are part of being married. It is how those situations are handled that makes the difference. You sound like you are very care passionate about him and your marriage. That is great. Maybe google something like marriage tips or something.

    Are you seeing a counselor? If you are considering suicide , it is probably a good idea to see one and try to get some of the issues that are bothering you sorted out. Maybe a psychiatrist could help you with some medication? A marriage counselor would be a good idea if things are as bad as you think they are.

    We are here to help you. How can we help you?

    Take Care of Yourself and Your Husband