Just want it to stop

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Chris4RLS, Oct 19, 2014.

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  1. Chris4RLS

    Chris4RLS New Member

    6 months ago I asked my boyfriend of 9 years to move out. He did not help pay for anything although he did try to help around the house. The resentment grew and I asked him to leave with the stipulation that he clean up his act and come back to me. Now he is seeing someone else and tells me he can't come back, but needs me in his life. The pain this as caused me is intolerable. I just want it to stop and can't see a way out of this. He wants me in his life but under his terms…..I have never been in such a dark place.
  2. Husky

    Husky Well-Known Member

    Hi Chris4RLS, Your boyfriend states that he needs you in his life, I think the question though revolves around whether you want him in your life. You provided him with a stipulation which was a good idea but what do you mean by clean up his act? Do you mean that he needs to get more serious about chores and responsibility in life or do you mean that he has to come back more committed to the relationship? Maybe both. Which one is more important though?

    Pain is always derived from love in some form. Something tells me you love this person very much and that's what's causing you so much pain. If he's with someone else, then it is difficult but it may be easier to ask yourself if you want this person as a friend or boyfriend in you life? Maybe even not in your life at all?

    I hope that you find light in this dark place. Take care and I hope that you're feeling better soon. Husky
  3. needrest

    needrest Member

    I'm sorry to hear this :-(. Yes, that can hurt a lot. Go out, if you have the chance. Try to meet up with new people. This will help to put your mind on other things - although you might not feel like it right now. Join groups, join dating sites (you don't have to date, you can meet new friends there too), go couch surfing, do something you like: you name it. Do something where you will meet people, don't stay at home, don't stay in bed. Really this will give you the chance to open up to others, to experience again that connections don't have to result in endless hurt, that it can be fun to be around people (and/or guys), to simply enjoy your time and put your mind on other things. Imho, going out, meeting up with people, doing things you like to do, is really the one thing that can help to let go of the hurt. Otherwise you'd be confronted with that pain/hurt constantly. Right now only the hurt he caused is on your mind, the moment you go out, meet up with people, that will fade - really, it will. Even though you might not at all feel like going out currently. I came out of a traumatic relationship, and going out in general made me realize people could actually be fun to be around and treat each other well, which made me forget for a moment about the pain of that relationship. (Unfortunately I'm dealing with an impossible set of consequences of having loved someone that has promised to ruin my life/family's life, so in that sense unfortunately I can't close things off). But try to go out, and mingle. This guy is making you feel miserable: there are other people out there that might remind you that it can be fun to be amongst people, to undertake something with them. Good luck.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 26, 2014
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