a break, even for a few days, would be great. To feel normal, whatever that may be. But without the intense anxiety and fear, the hyper vigilance and feeling worthless. That would be good. Without the flashbacks, the resulting effects and feeling like I'm not in control. Nwithout the immense sadness and the fear of the future, if any. At what point do these things subside? If I could identify the triggers that'd be helpful, but I don't always know. The last few nights I've been taking extra meds and mixing in some alcohol so I could try to relax. I know this isn't the healthiest way of being and coping. But if it means I can get to bed and fall asleep that's helpful. I'm on this waking every three hours thing and I know that's not helping me. I'm not sure how to stop that though, I wish I did. Meanwhile of course I act like most do, that all is great in my little world. I really, really would like a break from this.