Hey. Its been a while (few months) since I last used this forum. Basically, I have been feeling quite down the last few days. I have been considering a lot of things I haven't for a while. Ranging from severe self harm to suicide itself. I won't go into more detail, because I can't, but yes... Anyway, I feel used. Essentially. I am in complete turmoil. I am an over qualified healthcare assistant, essentially, which does not bother me. I am happy to work in a job I am academically too bright for. That's not the bug bear. I am in a job, so that's something I suppose. So... I work in a hospital for people with mental health problems, its very specialist. Its an environment where I am pretty well expected to hide all my problems (which I have a hell of a lot of). The problem is, I am sick to death of not getting help. Perhaps that sounds selfish? I have BPD (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder). I am currently experiencing severe psychosis, I have stopped taking my anti-depressants, because basically? They don't help. I have been denied counselling by the team who took my referral, because basically? I am not good enough... At least I assume that is why. Because they want me to die? I am on a stupidly long waiting list for help from a specialist team or two (one team the waiting list is 4 months + the other is 12 months +). I feel like the world is imploding. I feel like I help people, just to get it thrown back in my face. I feel like literally, I work so hard, in four different things, just to get ignored when I need help.... Advice people? Am I pathetic for feeling this way? Because the voices in my head? They tell me that I am.