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just want to be be freed from the pain..

auburnfrog

Active Member
#1
I feel that while being told that I’m great/not alone/strong etc. is nice and comforting it doesn’t do anything beyond that.

Regardless of the validity and truth of those compliments, being a great person doesn’t really alleviate my emotional pain, does it? It’s also nice to hear that people are there for me/people relate to my feelings but validation doesn’t really...free me from my troubles.

I don’t know, but at this point I think I need something much more than a listening ear? I’m in so much frustration and pain that what I need is genuine help, maybe also therapy (not that I can afford either.)

I’ve been feeling so awful, and I can only feel numb on my best days. It hurts me to know that there might not be an exit to this..
 

auburnfrog

Active Member
#2
This doesn’t discredit the support I’ve gotten from people I know and everyone around here, though, of course. I’m just feeling so helpless.
 

GMody

Well-Known Member
#3
Why are you not feeling well. I am not feeling well either. This feeling is due to physical pain or mental pain? What are the reasons? Have you met a doctor.... psychiatrist? Therapy is a good option. You can borrow money from your friend or well wisher. Hope you can reply in details.
 

auburnfrog

Active Member
#4
Why are you not feeling well. I am not feeling well either. This feeling is due to physical pain or mental pain? What are the reasons? Have you met a doctor.... psychiatrist? Therapy is a good option. You can borrow money from your friend or well wisher. Hope you can reply in details.
Hi GMody,

I’m sorry you’re not feeling well.

I don’t know why i’m feeling unwell. It’s probably just another depressive episode. I‘ve been living with clinical depression and anxiety for almost my whole life and I don’t think even I know why. My best guess is that it’s likely just genetics, but the reason doesn’t really matter to me.

I can’t afford therapy, unfortunately. I‘m aware that it’s the best sort of help out there but it’s just not possible at all. I’m a high school student so there’s no way for me to get money (in my country school students aren’t allowed to get a job). I can’t borrow too of course since the friends I have are also like me, high school students. My parents aren’t financially stable enough at the moment.

This is one of the reasons why I feel helpless and hopeless. I simply don’t have the resources and people in my life to help me in the long run. In fact even if I *do* have money for therapy, my parents are always unwilling to let me have it (for reasons I find it difficult to disclose.)
 
#5
Hi. I understand what you're saying. Although, people listening to you and giving you compliments and general niceness is great and can make you feel better, you're right - it probably won't cure your depression or whatever you are struggling with. As GMody said above, therapy is a good option and there are options for free or cheap therapy - maybe it is covered by your health insurance, offered by your school, by a church etc. Your parents being opposed to therapy is a tough spot to be in, but maybe there are options for you to get therapy discretely or to explain to your parents how you're feeling. I hope you can feel better soon. Sending hugs *hug10.
 

auburnfrog

Active Member
#6
Hi. I understand what you're saying. Although, people listening to you and giving you compliments and general niceness is great and can make you feel better, you're right - it probably won't cure your depression or whatever you are struggling with. As GMody said above, therapy is a good option and there are options for free or cheap therapy - maybe it is covered by your health insurance, offered by your school, by a church etc. Your parents being opposed to therapy is a tough spot to be in, but maybe there are options for you to get therapy discretely or to explain to your parents how you're feeling. I hope you can feel better soon. Sending hugs *hug10.
Thanks for your support <3

I’d really like to discuss how to get therapy discretely if you’re willing :). It’s a bit difficult for me as all hospital bills in my place should be paid using cards (which I don’t have).
 
#7
Thanks for your support <3

I’d really like to discuss how to get therapy discretely if you’re willing :). It’s a bit difficult for me as all hospital bills in my place should be paid using cards (which I don’t have).
I'm sorry I don't have any specific ideas - I just know it may be possible... it depends on a lot of factors. Do they offer therapy at the school you attend?
 

GMody

Well-Known Member
#12
Are you taking meds for depression? If so are they not helping you? Then you need to change doctor and let the new doctor give you effective antidepressants. Your parents opposed to you getting therapy is not right. Have you talked to them in details? You need to take therapy AND medicines. If your parents are convinced they can pay for therapy. If not you need to approach church or a good voluntary organization for finance. I have bipolar disorder and am taking meds and just started therapy.
 

auburnfrog

Active Member
#13
Are you taking meds for depression? If so are they not helping you? Then you need to change doctor and let the new doctor give you effective antidepressants. Your parents opposed to you getting therapy is not right. Have you talked to them in details? You need to take therapy AND medicines. If your parents are convinced they can pay for therapy. If not you need to approach church or a good voluntary organization for finance. I have bipolar disorder and am taking meds and just started therapy.
I’m not taking meds because meds need doctor/therapist’s prescription, whereas I’m not seeing any doctor or therapist at the moment. I‘ve tried over and over again in the past to talk to my parents but their unwillingness still stands :(. They’ve only let me see a therapist for a few times then somehow stops along the way (this was years ago). There is no voluntary organization around me that funds mental health support as far as I know. It’s a very sad truth but it’s my reality that I’ve tried to look into everything I can find in order to get the help I need and yet I fail every time.

I’m glad you’re on meds and have just started therapy 👍
 

GMody

Well-Known Member
#14
Thanks.
That's a shame that your parents don't seem to understand your illness. You need to see a psychiatrist discreetly. Please do so immediately. Meanwhile you can look for a therapist. You don't have to pay the entire amount. You can pay in parts. You are so young. Hate too see you suffer. I really don't understand your parents stubborn attitude. Do you any close relatives ? May be they can help you. Are you not in USA or UK?
 

auburnfrog

Active Member
#16
Thanks.
That's a shame that your parents don't seem to understand your illness. You need to see a psychiatrist discreetly. Please do so immediately. Meanwhile you can look for a therapist. You don't have to pay the entire amount. You can pay in parts. You are so young. Hate too see you suffer. I really don't understand your parents stubborn attitude. Do you any close relatives ? May be they can help you. Are you not in USA or UK?
I’m not sure how to see a therapist in secret especially with the fact that my area is on lockdown right now. And the consequences that will rise from seeing one without my parents’ knowledge is also something I will need to take into account...they’re strict, so they will surely be give me the “you should let us know everything you do” lecture. Besides there is no way for me to pay the hospital bills myself because I don’t have banking cards. I don’t understand them either but they’re like that haha. The rest of my big family is also the same way to be honest - I equally can’t understand them, though again the way they act isn’t in my control 😔. Also, yes I’m not from UK or US.
 

GMody

Well-Known Member
#17
Well you need to find a way. So what if your parents find out that you went to see a doctor. They will at most scold you. You really do need to take meds. You need to focus on solutions, not problems. I don't which country you are in. Please tell if you wish. Regarding therapy can't you go to a government run clinic where they do it for free. Or Non profit Government Organization....NGO. Most countries have that. I am in India...we have NGOs or state run and funded medical centres. You really need to take action.
 

auburnfrog

Active Member
#19
Well you need to find a way. So what if your parents find out that you went to see a doctor. They will at most scold you. You really do need to take meds. You need to focus on solutions, not problems. I don't which country you are in. Please tell if you wish. Regarding therapy can't you go to a government run clinic where they do it for free. Or Non profit Government Organization....NGO. Most countries have that. I am in India...we have NGOs or state run and funded medical centres. You really need to take action.
There is no plausible and realistic way out right now for me but i’ll try my best. I think I will need to go for self-help techniques first; I’d really like professional help but trust me when I say going for therapy is really not possible right now. In the future - very hopefully. Thank you for all your support and concern :)
 

LOSTINSIGHT

Well-Known Member
#20
HI auburnfrog ,i empathise deeply .
You have alot of awareness and knowledge for someone in high school ,this is brilliant ,you mite not agree at this time in relation to your pain but hang in there for the long run.
Check youtube out for help ,you should find stories to inspire you but be very careful and dont self diagnose off youtube ,see what resonates with you .
I was too good at hiding my depression but especially anxiety when i was your age[even from my self i hid it ] ,it caused me terrible trouble for the rest of my life .
Being aware is much healthier for your future .
Dig deep and keep learning .
 

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