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Just want to die, problems are horrific and can't get better

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Black31, Oct 14, 2010.

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  1. Black31

    Black31 Active Member

    I'm at the end of my tether. I'm 33 yrs old female still living at home with my parents. I suffer from clinical depression, avoidant personality disorder (aka severe social phobia) and have terrible men phobia. I have never worked and just done cash in hand jobs. I've had different therapy over the years but nothing seems to get rid of all my problems. In fact they are getting worse, I can't work because I'm severely anxious with people, I can't get close to a man cos I get severe anxiety attacks that last a few days at a time. It's gone on repeatedly. I'm in a constant high anxiety state and can't sleep or eat much when I'm in that state. I've had to come completely away from a man I like online now cos I just can't cope with him. Every week thru the summer I've suffered from these long bouts of high anxiety and made my mental health worse. I'm extremely phobic of buildings and can't go away on holiday cos I get severe anxiety attacks in places and have to come home. This has happened in Wales and Spain now and I've had to come home after one day away! I'm extremely depressed day in day out cos of my probs but also cos of never accepting a bowel illness when I was 14yrs old. I'm now left with an irritable bowel which makes me very depressed. As the years go on I seem to be getting worse not better. Everyone out there in the world is working, got partners, kids, homes and I don't have any of that at all cos I just can't cope with anything. I'm so unhappy and just want to die. It's such a strain on my mental health and a massive strain on my Mother who is getting older now and can't cope with my probs so well. There just seems no way out of the hell hole I'm in. I just want to be out of my suffering. I've seen therapists over the years and just spent £200 having private counselling. It's not helped me in anyway. I just can't seem to change my thoughts/beliefs. I just can't move on in life cos I'm so very fearful in social situations and places/buildings. I simply can't go on like this anymore, it's just a miserable existance and I want to be out of my suffering...............
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Black 31 and so glad you posted...sounds so awful to have such severe reactions...I used to have severe anxiety attacks myself, feeling like I was having a heart attack each time and feeling so faint and sweating that I had to go home to bed...meditation and medication have helped somewhat with these symptoms...have you investigated either of these? again, sorry things are so rough and please continue to let us know how you are doing...big hugs, J
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi. I think that you have to figure out why you have these phobias and then you can work on overcoming them. Have you had any traumatic experiences that were caused by a male or by a large building? Maybe when you were younger? I hope that you are able to overcome your phobias so you can live a relatively normal life. :hug:
  4. EmptyLife

    EmptyLife Well-Known Member

    i feel similarly. only menial jobs because of mental illness. never a date. feel free to pm me. wish i could write more. too depressed and suicidal.
  5. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about the troubles that you have been having. I understand, I've had social anxiety for a long time.

    There's things that you can do that can help. I agree with sad eyes about meditation. I found that to be very helpful.

    I also found dietary changes to be very helpful. Avoiding processed foods, especially ones with lots of chemicals. Avoiding raw foods and cold foods and drinks. Eating only freshly cooked whole foods.

    Keeping your stress level low helps too.

    If you can get a little bit of improvement, you might try something like going to group therapy. In a sense, the therapy itself isn't the most helpful part, just being in a social environment where you feel safe.

    At times when I've felt anxious, I've explained to people that I was around that I have social anxiety, and that made me feel a lot better. I think it put others more at ease as well.
  6. Black31

    Black31 Active Member

    yoga and meds do help a bit but they don't make a big enough impact really.
  7. Black31

    Black31 Active Member

    i have figured out where the phobias come from but it doesn't really make much difference. i still feel very anxious in different buildings and with men. there doesn't seem much hope for me really. i've anaylsed and gone over things a million times but still feel very fearful. it's hopeless.
  8. ferdinan

    ferdinan Member

    I am in a simliar situation. Im 28 and live at home with my parents. I cant work because of the depression, ADHD, and I have a problem with my legs. I can walk, but I cant stand for long because of the aching. If it helps at all,at least your not the only one who is in a similiar situation.
  9. Black31

    Black31 Active Member

    sorry ur in a similar situation ferdinan. these types of probs are very tough to deal with especially if u have physical probs on top. :(
  10. assek

    assek Well-Known Member

    im sorry you have so much going on :-(

    ive never been abused by a man and yet i am terribly frightened of them... i really am scared of most men, and get very anxious around them. its horrible.

    have you thought of trying hypnotherapy ?
  11. Black31

    Black31 Active Member

    do u know the cause as to why ur so anxious around then? have u been in a relationship b4?

    i've not had hypnotherapy for this type of problem b4. i had counselling but it didn't work.
  12. assek

    assek Well-Known Member

    yes i was in a three year relationship, but ended it because i couldnt do what normal couples do... if a man tries to hug me or just gets near me , i freak out and cant breathe, or move, i hate it. and i have no idea what has caused this...but i know ive never been abused.

    maybe you should look into hypnotherapy, its expensive but i heard it works. different therapists specialise in different phobias so have a look around...
  13. assek

    assek Well-Known Member

  14. Black31

    Black31 Active Member

  15. assek

    assek Well-Known Member

    i think they are all bastards ! ( even though i know they arnt, but i still think they are )

    anyway, i hope you feel better soon and that you can get the help that you need and deserve. PM if ever you need *hugs*
  16. Black31

    Black31 Active Member

    aww sorry u feel like that kess. :hug:

    i will pm you sometime thanks. x:IrishDoll:
  17. depressedkitty

    depressedkitty Active Member

    I'm in my 20's and I never had a proper job either and never did well enough in school because of ADD. But its weird I love being unemployed because I get to have all the time in the world to do what I want to do. When I had the odd work trail I hated it because it raped my free time, so think of unemployment as freedom to do what you want to do :bubble:
  18. EmptyLife

    EmptyLife Well-Known Member

    I feel the same way. At least you got a lot of responses. When I post here, I usually get few, and that just makes me feel worse about my chronic problems, so that's one reason I rarely post anymore.
  19. assek

    assek Well-Known Member

    oh please do, i would love that :) where abouts from south of england are you? dont have to answer if you dont want to...
  20. Hi, I am almost 35 and I live at home, too. I have a disability so I don't have a choice. Many times I feel like I am a burden on my family, but when I voiced these concerns such as "You would be so much happier without me around to be a burden, right?" I was shocked when I was told no, that I was family and that's what family does. During those times when I think I'm a burden, I remind myself that they have a choice to take care of me, that they could choose to stop any time they like.

    I've dealt with terrible phobias, too, that paralyzed me with fear and I developed a lot of things to avoid for fear of "being punished."

    So, I just wanted to let you know that I can understand what you're going through and you're not alone.
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