The title says it all, and to be honest, I don't recall a time in my life where I didn't feel this way. What's it like to be happy? I had a miserable childhood that I will never be able to just let go. My parents fought constantly, causing me unimaginable anxiety everyday. It wasn't the fact that they were fighting; it was the noise. Why couldn't they just shut the fuck up? On top of that, they felt the need to beat me when I was too small to fight back. That wasn't so bad though. It was the yelling that killed me inside. When I look back at pictures of myself, I see an emotionally crippled boy who was just the result of bad circumstances. There's never a smile on my face. Right now I live alone, have no friends, no hobbies, have never had a girl like me (despite my overtures), and am studying in a program I hate. On any given day, I'll say between 20 and 50 words, and I'll only speak out of necessity. If I could have it my way, I'd just sleep all day. I only get up because I have to survive (via school and work). There have been so many times where I thought I would end it. When I was a kid (here we go again) I intentionally starved myself for months in hopes that I would just die from malnutrition. I became a skeleton, and even stunted my growth. However, I did eventually regain my health (and started growing again, thus reaching my genetic height potential). I couldn't care less though. Tall, short... what's the difference? Either way, I'm miserable. I don't know what I'm hoping to achieve from posting this. It's not like I'm going to experience some sort of catharsis out of it. I guess I'm just an emotionally immature, vulnerable young man who wants to be coddled. It's sad, it really is.