Just want to die...

All throughout my life I have had problems with unhappiness. I have always gotten the short end of the stick it seems. I know I probably sound like a whiny teenage brat, but oh well. I guess I am beyond the point of caring what anybody thinks anymore. Recently I have been overwhelmingly depressed, and thoughts of suicide have started to occur. I never thought about killing myself before, but now it just seems like the best solution. I don't think I have it in me to kill myself, yet. I have an extremely small threshold for pain, but I am working on that. Just a few weeks ago I started cutting. I have always been one to cringe at the sight of a blade, but now I am beginning to welcome the feeling of pain. I feel I can work myself up to being able to handle more and more. Anyways, I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't take feeling so horrible anymore. It seems like every time I start to feel even just a little bit happy, something bad comes along to crush those feelings. I feel so lost.

I can't take it anymore... I just wanna die.

 

-big hug-

Don't think that way. There are people who will miss you if you kill yourself.

Somehow I can relate to you. I also feel like I was cheated out of things. My family's disfunctional, my grandparents (yes, there still alive) hate me, the house I'm living in almost forclosed, my mom's dead, and my dad believes he's a dictator in the house.
Enough about me...

Death isn't a solution to anything. (-laughs to self- Of all people, I'm the one whose saying this...)
And, self harm may not be the best path either. DON'T try to work yourself up to be able to take more pain. Try taking your sadness/anger out on something else, be it a pillow or whatever.
It's GOOD that you think you don't have it in you to kill yourself...I know it probably does right now, but think of all the opportunities you might miss if you do.

All I can say is, try to stick around. Things WILL get better for you, I'm sure. There are plenty of people who you can talk to here who will be willing to listen.
PM me if you ever want to talk.

Feel better, OK?

 

Suicide is definitly an option, but is it what you actually want?
You seem to be in two minds about the whole thing. Do you find your trapped in your life and your using the thought of suicide as an escape technique rather than something you want to do?
You have to remember there are millions of different ways of living, but you only live once (as far as we can logically prove).
It's good you've posted here because your talking to people about it all now. Have you ever done that before with anyone you know? And if so what happened?
Sorry for all the questions but the more we know about what your going through the better we can try and help.
It would be a good idea to post events that may have caused your sadness over the years and what sort of things are hard to cope with now.
Anything you don't really want to publicly talk about you can PM if you want to. You'll find there's probably lots of people who can relate to your problems on this site so posting them will get you a lot more effective responses.
Take care.

 

I can completely relate to getting the short end of the stick. So to deal with it I made the bad choice of deciding that I should always settle for what I get no matter how little or less it is.

Take heart though, if you are a teenager then you are just stuck in a crappy place. And you will have the chance to escape from this crappy place. You need to escape.

Just remember suicide may seem like the only answer now. But it is not necessarily the correct one. It seems to me like you are fixated on one thing, like a color. You are looking directly at one color and while out of the corners of you eyes you see other colors you cannot break past the one you are looking at. So maybe you should step back and take a good hard look at all your options. Of course that is if you want too.

I hope some of this made sense.

 

I actually find it strange that I am talking about this on here, because I have never told anyone I know anything about it. I guess I find it easier to do it confidentially.

 

I love the mask of the internet. If not for it I would never have met so many good friends and I would be very very lonely and depressed still.