I see the world differently then most people. I don't see a point to life. It seems like the only point to life is trying to satisfy the pleasure center of the brain. But if that part of the brain doesn't work properly what then? I don't enjoy doing things I used too, and similarly things that would bother/sadden me don't seem to register. I'm just dulled. It takes most of my willpower and concentration to keep my mind stable - but its slowly getting harder. I've read other peoples posts and it seems like most people have a reason for being depressed - no job, not good looking, no bf/gf, etc.... Its been 4 years since my depression started and I figured I could fix it, but I don't know anymore, and I don't want to spend 20years doing a routine which is empty. All these sites say that suicide is from people trying to end the pain. I don't have any pain, but I don't have any pleasure either. I guess that would be called empty. And as for hurting the people left behind: I figured I'd just move away, lose touch and then end it. Then no one would care or know, they would just figure I'm out in the world living life. Very few people know about my depression, its fairly easy to fake most social responses. Its like sitting in a chair and bouncing a tennis ball on the ground for an indefinite period. You don't see a point in bouncing the stupid ball but everyone else is doing it so you should too! One fear I have about ending it is if I fail and do irreparable damage to myself. I think I will just lay down and wait for my body to shut down and die.