I just want to go to the store and buy my supplies and say Im done. I feel so down right now. I'm bipolar and have been depressed since winter. My depressions have never lasted through the summer until this year. My antidepressents clearly aren't working and I've been changing doses and meds for quite awhile now. They put me on Topamax not too long ago and its not doing anything. I still feel the same way. My quality of life just sucks. Im in hell. Ive been through so many med changes it is unbelievable. I just want to give up. It seems much easier that way. I feel numb and depressed most of the time and not motivated to do anything. I have so much pain inside of me too on a day to day basis. I feel so hopeless right now. Like I'm defective or something. And I should die because of it. Just be put in the rubbish pile. Because I am rubbish. Plus, my boyfriend is away from me right now and its really hard. He's in an inpatient mental health facility for his problems and has been for months. We dont know how long he's going to be there. We used to do everything together. I wish he was with me right now. I really love him. He was the one I leaned on for support the most.I miss him a lot. It seems like he'll never come back to me. Maybe I'm the reason he broke down and had problems. Another reason why I shouldn't be here.