Just want to get some stuff off my chest.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by jugglerjay, Oct 28, 2012.

  1. jugglerjay

    jugglerjay New Member

    I'm still new to this site and to talking about things in general so i just wanted to let some stuff out here. I't not too important who reads or responds to this i just wanted to write it down really and see if anyone has any input.

    I shouldn't be upset... I know that i have no real reason i'm not dying (right now) and i'm not starving and i have plenty of nice "things" in my life and nice friends. But i'm still sad almost all of the time. I smile and i talk to people and i get on with life in a very matter of fact kind of way and sometimes the day today monotony helps to distract me from how i feel. I'm not any danger to myself anymore i have moved past that and put away any thoughts of suicide or self harm after finally talking to my mother about it a few years ago, and i know now that no matter what i feel i will never put her threw losing me when we are so close.
    But even knowing that i am passed that doesn't fill me with any purpose. I excercise alot i was always fat as a young kid and now that i am older i can let my frustration out at all the things i don't like threw exercise instead which i think is better. I ran almost 6 and a half miles today and i will run the same distance next weekend and go to the gym 3 times this week. I always thought that if i was 'fit' then life would be easier and i could make connections and meet girls that i could have a real connection with as none of the girls i have ever dated have known me particuarly well (or atleast this side of me) even those that knew about my previous self harm episodes.
    But i'm now worried that all this fitness is will make it harder to engage with people, I have always been a tall (6 foot 7) nerdy guy quiet nice guy and while this exercise has helped give me focus and motivation to get out of bed and set goals for myself i worry that it changes the way i am percieved and will make me come across as shallow even though i'm really not in the slightest. And i worry now that people will just see this big meat head gym jock even though i love indie music, programming video games and watching old movies.

    I guess what i'm trying to say is should i worry so much about how i am percieved? do any of the girls out there look at a guy that enjoys exercise and assume he is a jock just because i take care of myself (i'm not a fake tanned muscles out all the time kind of guy and i really don't talk about it with people mostly because whenever i do everyone asks for advice and expects a magic fat loss answer from me).

    This is really bugging me at the moment and making want to give it up to go back to looking normal but i worry what i could do with out an outlet for my stress :(
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    It sounds like you have many interests and can give a lot to relationships...yes, it is important to concern yourself less with what people think, and more about what is best for you...this is difficult...but I do not understand how being fit interferes in relationships...can you find someone at the gym so that you know she is interested in this as well?