Just want to get this off my chest

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by yursomedicated, May 2, 2009.

  1. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    Over the last week, my boyfriend's friend has been staying at his house because he is suicidal. I didn't mind that he was staying there since I have been there too. But he was leaving me out and IDK if this is being selfish but I was upset. I told him last sunday about it and he gave me crap. So the next day in school, he pretty much broke up with me. We were dating for over a year and a half. I love him, I gave him my virginity. When he told me that he didn't want to be with me I started crying. The teachers in the lunch room took me to the nurse. I then knew that that night I would kill myself. I sat in the nurses office almost all day, staring at the wall thinking about it. Other then my boyfriend, I have one other friend. I was texting her while I was in the nurse telling her all this. She obviously didn't want me to kill myself, but I wanted to. I knew that if we didn't get together I would have done it. That night we did get back together and are doing great.

    I have tried to kill myself so many times before, almost every way. I have depression, bi polar and schizophrenia, but I act like a normal 16 year old girl. I always have in the back of my mind that I do want to kill myself. And only my friend knows that. She's going 800 miles away to college next year though so I don't know what I will do. I'm with my boyfriend everyday so without him I really have nothing else.

    Now my little brother told my mom that he is thinking about killing himself. It seems like I can't get away from it.

    Also, in March my friend killed himself. RIP Justin, we miss you.

    I just wanted to tell someone all this. I have been crying all night and I just don't know what to do. My boyfriend and friend are both asleep so I just wanted to tell someone, even if no one reads this.
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I am also 16 and suffer suicidal thoughts.

    But first I want to say that no matter how it turns out in the end no relationship is worth ending your life over. Especially at your age.

    Are you currently seeing a therapist/mental health proffesional for your problems?

    These kinds of problems DO get better.

    Hope you feel better soon.
  3. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    No, I'm not.

    Thought about choking myself tonight.
  4. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    I hope, that posting this was able to get this off your shoulders, even if a little.

    Have you considered seeing a therapist? How long has it been, that you have had in the back of your mind, that you want to kill yourself?
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree you need to see someone in the mental health feild..A good therapist and also a shrink..The meds help.. It has taken years of trial and error but I now am on a regimine of meds that are working well together..
    Have you thought about joining any clubs at school?? Maybe take up photography, Something that keeps your mind active so you aren't thinking of these suicidal thoughts..By the way the last med my shrink has put me on is for skyzophrenia and it works.. I'm not seeing shadows anymore and between that and my antidepressant My suicidal thoughts have backed way off. I mean I still think about them dailey but I now know I won't act on them..I wish you all the best..
  6. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    Last night I tried choking myself. I wrapped a sting and pulled it as tight as I could. It lasted maybe 20 seconds. The blood couldn't get through and my head had so much pressure. It felt like my ear drum was going to burst. I woke up this morning with the choking sensation and my head still hurts.

    I'm not doing it again. My "best" friend doesn't want to lose me, either dead or as a friend. So I guess I'll do it for her. I just don't know.

    And no, I am not going to a therapist. I can't talk to people like that.