Just want to leave

[SowrongSowrong]

The years from i was 12 to now, i am soon 16, it's been like hell each day. So much wasted thoughts and shit. I can't fokuse on the positive things in life anymore. I have a girlfriend. She's an angel. I talk about all these things with her, cause she has also beed depressed but is getting better. I am confused and can't take anything anymore. Everything is so hard. I am at school but i dunno why. I just sit there the whole day on forums and playing copmuter games. The other times i try to consentrate i am falling out to begin thinking like i'v done the las four years. All the crappy things that has happend and everything i hate about this life. There are some things that happend some time ago that always pulls me under. I can't get over thise things, and it is things i overreact to. My life isn't worth what it is. The prob with my GF is that she lives in about two hours from here, and it gets lonely too without her. It is also easy to start a fight when you just have the phone and msn. I dunno how i will do it, but i am sure that it will be the way i am gonna die when i do it.
Tnx all for posting here, and sorry for bad english.

Hawk

 

[CursedSoul]

I think I know how you feel, I am also soon turning 16 and I have been very depressed for about 4 years. Alot of stuff has happened since then... I am still very depressed... I feel that no one really gets me and how I have it. I have thought of suicide many times, but I always end up living just one more day. I am starting to feel that suicide might not be the best way out anymore...

I wish you the best with whatever decision you make...

 

[SowrongSowrong]

Yeah, it's like that. I think of suicide everyday many times. But i can't get my self to do it. It just goes one day by day. And each day i think, "this will be the last" but i go on. But the things is starting to grow deeper now, and suicide is much more close that it has ever been, this scares me a lot. The days at school is like shit and when i come home i am so sick and tired of it all. My head gets crazy cause one part wants to give the deamn in all those shitty thoughts, as the other one produces negative thoughts all the time. That sucks really hard, cause the brain lives it's own live. I dunno how much more of this i can take. Some Replies is good and help me thinking of that i am not alone. Please help me stay focused and not go down to hell. I will try to carry on, but it will not last for many days/weeks before i get a real breakdown now.

 

[CursedSoul]

I ahve also gotten very close to suicide... sometimes everything gets too hard... It gets harder to think straight I just want to get away from it all. My days in school are horrible... I pretend I am just fine, but I'm not... I have trouble concentrating on the things around me. When the school day ends I get home I feel tired, my head hurting and my heart feeling very heavy. I start thinking... can I do it now... just to end it all.

Then I start thinking about what would happend if I did it... my family... the girl I love which is suffering the same as me... I just decide to try one more day...

Lately it has gotten very hard... today I thought about it alot, thinking how I would do it, where I would do it... but I just can't get myself to do it... because then the girl I love would be even more alone than she is now... then she would commit suicide I don't want to be responsible for that... I live for this girl...

It's hard to explain, but I understand you.. I know how you feel.. but, just keep trying to stay alive... maybe one day it will all change, maybe you will be happy again.. You will never know if you give up now...

Good luck...

 

[Hazel]

Hi Sowrong, 4 years is a long time to be feeling as bad as you are,
over this time have you had any help, have you talked to anyone about how you are feeling?
I am pleased you have found SF and that you have already realised you are not alone in feeling this way.
I am sure you will find the help and support here that you need to help you through each day.

Take care Hazel x

 

[SowrongSowrong]

First: Cursed soul, i am glad you unederstand. I also live for my girlfriend. Life is hard but i press myself everyday and try to stay positive and not go down there.

Hazel: Yeah, i went to talk to therapist for a half year, october 05 to around march 06. It helped a lot with someone to talk to. But the thing is, the problems i have now is not the same ones as last time. Now it is something that got burned up again after many years without thinkin' of it. I makes me mad at myself and it is a very small thing to get so upset about, but for me it is a sort of pain all the time. Sorry again for the bad english and reply if you want please.

 

[AWT]

Hi SoWrong,

I'm not trying to be nosey, but do you want to discuss your problem here? I'm older than you (maybe with the wisdom of experience as well:rolleyes: ) and could see it from another angle and put it in perspective a bit.

Andy

 

[SowrongSowrong]

There is like...i have some terrible experiences with some guys being mean to me when i started at school, was like 6 years old. When i see back at that i see how very sad it is, cause i was defenseless. I hate everything that has with people getting things done to them as they are defenseless. It can be things like hitting and stuff..and all the way to tickling...that is also a problem. That i can't figure out what the problem with tickling is...tthose guys tickled me...and i got tickled some years later..and was afraid of going to school cause of that...and now..when someone tickled my GF..i ent all crazy..and could't eat or sleep. The thing is that it is not the same tickling...and i think it's mean of them when she is my girl. She do not want them to do it..so i talked to them and they have stopped now...but i can't get that fear out of me...cause all that stuff make me go back to those days..and that was like hell...i can't beileive i am saying this here, but now i got to let it out. That thing is the one who draggs me down and i get all the other old problems too...that i fightet years ago..and got over...so..yeah..shit

 

[non_existence]

and now..when someone tickled my GF..i ent all crazy..and could't eat or sleep

sounds like a deeply held phobia in the subconscious getting triggered off.
you might want to look into hypnosis to cure that.

 

[SowrongSowrong]

Yeah, i dunno why it is there, but it is so strong that it can make me go crazy and do everything to stop the pain that rushes through my body. Hypnosis? do that work?

 

[silverlilly]

Hawk,
Please don't do what you're thinking about doing. Your life is worth so much more that what you think it is. I understand it can get lonely, and you feel like theres no one there for you, but you need to understand that no matter what, someone is always there for you. I am 14 and I know what it's like to be so depressed you want to die. I feel like I have nothing, am worth nothing, and I have nothing to do with my life. Actually I HAVE no life. None worth living anyways. But each time you think those thoughts, think of how much people will miss you, think of if you kill yourself there is no going back. I know it's really hard to think about the positive things in life, but you have to try. Don't give up, please! There are people out there who NEED you, and it will get better. Know that. It may not seem like it, but it will. I know it.

 

[non_existence]

Hypnosis? do that work?

yeah it's definetly something worth trying & investigating, you have nothing to lose. if you don't try new stuff then it's guaranteed that you'll contain that phobia inside you for the rest of your life (and possibly continuing into future lives)

 

[CursedSoul]

Here is probably my best advice to anyone.

(thanks to non_existence) You should find one special thing in your life, be it a hobby, a person anything. And live for it, concentrate on that one special thing, don't let your mind wander into the shadow.

send me an PM if you want to talk further...

 

[SowrongSowrong]

Silverlilly: Yeah i try and i try each day to hold me up there, not fall to deep. Today my GF is coming and that lights up the day. Now i feel that i live. On Sunday when she leaves it will be like hell, so next week i will be here a lot to fight my problems. Tnx for helping me

Non_existence: Yeah, if that is the only way...but isn't there any other way getting rid of the phoebia? I have to get rid of it, i can't live with something that stupid...

I will not be here before next week..so PM me and stuff and i answer then. Maybe i log in later today.
I love this forum, and so the people in here.
Thanks so much for caring about my problem
Cu all
Take care

 

[demolitionlover89]

hey SowrongSowrong
if you need to talk to anyone
im me at
[email protected]
im always online and im always up for giving advice

 

[non_existence]

Non_existence: Yeah, if that is the only way...but isn't there any other way getting rid of the phoebia? I have to get rid of it, i can't live with something that stupid...

Definition: Fast Phobia Cure (V/K Dissociation or Rewind Technique)

The Fast Phobia Cure is a quick and effective method for overcoming phobias and the unpleasant feelings associated with trauma.

The fast phobia cure was developed by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, the founders of NLP, in 1976, a synthesis of the work of hypnotist Milton Erickson and the work of Gestalt therapists. At that time it was called the V-K Dissociation process, as the process removes the Kinaesthetic (feeling) from the (usually) Visual stimulus that triggers the unconscious phobic response.

Effectively the process re-educates the brain to feel comfortable with the subject or situation that caused the phobic response.

http://www.hypnosisaudiocds.com/NLP-Fast-Phobia-Cure-article.php
http://www.neurosemantics.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=387&Itemid=50
http://www.nlpschedule.com/random/research-summary.html
http://www2.hawaii.edu/~lady/archive/phobia.html
http://www.23nlpeople.com/Amygdala.html
http://www.deep-trance.com/techniques/fast-phobia-cure.html
http://www.users.globalnet.co.uk/~rxv/pnt/nlp.htm

 

[SowrongSowrong]

Well, now i am filled with guilt..i managed to lose the ring my GF gave me in my birthday..she tells me it's not a big deal but i can't get rid of the feeling..ut's just a thing she says..it me she loves, and only me she wants. I hope this feeling's gonna vanish. My weekend was great..but now i am all depressed and lonely again. I dunno why, i just feel like crap.
All this years in waste..when is it gonna let off?