Just want to share my current thoughts

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by down_and_low, Dec 8, 2007.

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  1. down_and_low

    down_and_low Active Member

    I'm completely torn. I don't want to live anymore, i have a serious anxiety disorder and i worry constantly about absolutly nothing. I spend my entire day shaking uncontrollably through fear, and i've also developed ocd and it inteferes with my life. If i try and leave the house and walk down the road i suddenly think "have i locked the door?" and i have to go back. Once i had travelled about 5 miles and suddenly thought this, and had to go back. It's so silly and i feel so stupid and useless!
    I'm useless with my studies, i don't understand any of my courses. My mum keeps saying she know's i'll do well and all her hopes are on me, and i don't want to let her down! But I WILL fail, i'm hopeless, and i just feel like a waste of space and oxygen.
    Im also mega shy and get anxious if anyone looks at me. I find it hard to talk to anyone, and when i do let my guard down and talk to someone, they always stab me in the back and make me even more of an outcast. I'm just too soft to retaliate, and i just let these awful things happen to me, hoping to avoid any more coflict.
    I am 100% sure i would kill myself, but my parents would be sooo upset, and i'm scared i'd go to hell. I don't want to go to hell! But i don't want to live either...
  2. Beattles

    Beattles Well-Known Member

    when the time comes. you wont think about what people will feel.
    because if you think about how sad people will be
    then it will stop you from doing it.

    i know mate.. i know. just because i know, dosnt mean i was successful at "it" either

    im not religous, but i dont think a mythical place inside a fairy tale book exists either. sorry to degrade the beleifs of anyone here, but saying hell exists is like saying Numenor existed or that the Undying Lands do as well from Lord Of The Rings.
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