I had problems before I came here, I came here,.. wrote them down.. and i've just been reading them and they are the exact same problems except worse now.
Um.. Im really just lying to myself to be honest. I dont particularly think i really want to get better. I don't really see a point. Everything just.. god it's like someone says something and Ill cling to it,.. but give it sometime and it just.. wavers. I try for it, but I waver. Everything wavers, again and again.. and how I feel never changes. And im getting really good now at writting and saying what im writting at the sametime. I think i get a kick out of this fucking place. OR maybe it's a kick out of feeling like shit. Or maybe i's just the only way I can feel alive and me. So sue me whatever. Just stay away from me, and that is why, no one understands pfft i dont even. Old problems driving me insane. I've never been good at just accepting things. Infact I dont think I accept much. If anything..
I rarely get time to myself.. and it's like, two directions all the time infront of me. And both I just dont feel the point of it.
You know it would be fucking nice to be able to talk to someone who on some fucking level got me for more than a fucking week, and I got them. But that never happens. Its always god damn me. What fucking of a life is this to be honest? Greaat. I can have meaningless friendships. Force the topics and make thigns appear. Im sick of it, im sick of having to explain myself, as im sure other people are. What is the real point of this
~Obviously to post fucking threads about how I feel and humiliate myself by publically opening up. Whatever Im just going to use the excuse that I do it so fuckers who wonder will have something to read later on as a way of understanding. Sometimes I hope im a bloody mental condition, itd make things so much easier for others to just deal with. Just another waste of space. .. love to smash their heads in though. Everyones tbh. Just fuck off, what fucking good are u to me, and me to u. .. ug im on my final steps to fucking people off for good. I cant take this never ending chase for something. And Im not finding any answers inside my own self. Im just finding more questions and no way to feel or express them. I feel like shit today, like every other day. Except today, i just feel just that much more like shit and alone. But fuck it, one day Ill stop trying and just give up on some thigns to let other things have their moment to fail. er "try". Oh i cant wait for later today and tomorrow and even now! .. whole load of .. me being zombified and bored and numb and just angry and fucking confused and like what the fuck is the point of all of this stupid annoying continuous monotonous shit. Do it for the moment to get what u want! .. wtf do I want? What the hell is there to want... And if there is something, how the fuck is someone like me going to get it, and be able to be stable enough to keep it without destroying it or myself in the process.
Not going to fucking happen. Im sick of making lies up. Im sick of pretending and going with the flow of others on the precursor that there is something worth while in it. Im sick of trying on my own only to fail at everything i try. Now it's just.. ug.. yeah i acn't see the fucking good parts of the day when I keep getting shit, and then that shit getting leveled with the most BIZARRE emotionally shit, and then expected to find the good parts of life? How the fuck does that work.
Just yelling shit makes me feel better. I dont give a shit what u think anymore to be honest. .. That's a big problem, that I can see, I can see alot of problems. But to be honest, i don't give a shit. Why should i
Um.. Im really just lying to myself to be honest. I dont particularly think i really want to get better. I don't really see a point. Everything just.. god it's like someone says something and Ill cling to it,.. but give it sometime and it just.. wavers. I try for it, but I waver. Everything wavers, again and again.. and how I feel never changes. And im getting really good now at writting and saying what im writting at the sametime. I think i get a kick out of this fucking place. OR maybe it's a kick out of feeling like shit. Or maybe i's just the only way I can feel alive and me. So sue me whatever. Just stay away from me, and that is why, no one understands pfft i dont even. Old problems driving me insane. I've never been good at just accepting things. Infact I dont think I accept much. If anything..
I rarely get time to myself.. and it's like, two directions all the time infront of me. And both I just dont feel the point of it.
You know it would be fucking nice to be able to talk to someone who on some fucking level got me for more than a fucking week, and I got them. But that never happens. Its always god damn me. What fucking of a life is this to be honest? Greaat. I can have meaningless friendships. Force the topics and make thigns appear. Im sick of it, im sick of having to explain myself, as im sure other people are. What is the real point of this
~Obviously to post fucking threads about how I feel and humiliate myself by publically opening up. Whatever Im just going to use the excuse that I do it so fuckers who wonder will have something to read later on as a way of understanding. Sometimes I hope im a bloody mental condition, itd make things so much easier for others to just deal with. Just another waste of space. .. love to smash their heads in though. Everyones tbh. Just fuck off, what fucking good are u to me, and me to u. .. ug im on my final steps to fucking people off for good. I cant take this never ending chase for something. And Im not finding any answers inside my own self. Im just finding more questions and no way to feel or express them. I feel like shit today, like every other day. Except today, i just feel just that much more like shit and alone. But fuck it, one day Ill stop trying and just give up on some thigns to let other things have their moment to fail. er "try". Oh i cant wait for later today and tomorrow and even now! .. whole load of .. me being zombified and bored and numb and just angry and fucking confused and like what the fuck is the point of all of this stupid annoying continuous monotonous shit. Do it for the moment to get what u want! .. wtf do I want? What the hell is there to want... And if there is something, how the fuck is someone like me going to get it, and be able to be stable enough to keep it without destroying it or myself in the process.
Not going to fucking happen. Im sick of making lies up. Im sick of pretending and going with the flow of others on the precursor that there is something worth while in it. Im sick of trying on my own only to fail at everything i try. Now it's just.. ug.. yeah i acn't see the fucking good parts of the day when I keep getting shit, and then that shit getting leveled with the most BIZARRE emotionally shit, and then expected to find the good parts of life? How the fuck does that work.
Just yelling shit makes me feel better. I dont give a shit what u think anymore to be honest. .. That's a big problem, that I can see, I can see alot of problems. But to be honest, i don't give a shit. Why should i