Just wanted to share this this someone. (my current life)

Discussion in 'Positive Feelings and Motivational Messages' started by lonelyboy802, Dec 3, 2011.

  1. lonelyboy802

    lonelyboy802 Member

    I'm 20, live with my mum, have a full time job (an okay retail job) but its not enough to live by myself comfortable off of.

    Suffer from severe depression, took two years after highschool off to do nothing. Tried to kill myself multiple times, had many conversations with myself "soul searching" if you will. In these sessions with myself I slowly started to change things I was unhappy with in my life. I gave myself a goal, and i'm now working toward it.

    With the money from the job I will pay for most if not all of my college fees by myself. The way I see it is that college is my decision, and I should be responsible for my mistakes and failures. I just see this as another venture in life like saving for a motorcycle or a car, why should my mother have to pay should I fail.

    My coworkers have been asking why i'm doing this, they all say the same things "can't you apply for finacial aid?" "why doesn't your mother pay for it?" No, I cannot apply for financial aid, mom makes enough money (i'm pretty sure it's based off household income.) And even if I could apply for financial aid, I don't like to be in debt and the local community college isn't that expensive If I work for a couple months I should be able to pay for everything in full.

    It's the way my coworkers ask the questions, as if they don't understand why I'm making it hard for myself. I also get the feeling that they think I'm a bit dense for not taking the easy route. Also that i'm "wasting time", when I could be working towards my career choice.

    I believe if you want something, YOU should go out and take it. I'm not above asking for help though, hence why i'm still with my mom, or else saving for college would take years with this job. Personally I think i'm putting up a show in an empty theater. I am the actor and I am the audience. Who am I trying to impress with this? But it just goes back to my beliefs, work for what you want, perseverance and dedication.

    Tell me what you think, I'm curious to know good or bad I can take it.

    Considering I just started to come back into the outside world I think i'm making progress. Baby steps, but progress. I don't have any friends I could share this with.. And my family doesn't really understand how hard this depression is on me, they think its just me being lazy.. I just wanted to share this with everyone :)
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Both my children paid there way thru college it was there money or money they applied for like grants they had to write to apply for them and win them It made them want to work harder because they knew it was t here money they would be wasting not mine. I think if there are grants you can apply for then do it hun so you can use your money for your books and other expenses. i commend you for taking responsibility of your own education and i wish you the best in all your endeavors.
  3. ThornThatNeverHeals

    ThornThatNeverHeals Well-Known Member

    I think you are doing what you need to do to get yourself back on track, in reality, and in your mind. IMO its admirable, you arent taking the easy way, you arent shifting it off to someone else, you are taking responsibility, but you arent getting the, "im so awesome i can do anything without anyone" attitude. you are down to earth. Great job lonleyboy, and keep it up!