Just wanted to tell someone...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by ConfidentialInformant, Mar 27, 2008.

  1. Well.. this is a long story about love so if you're prepared to listen, then get something to eat and drink and sit down and listen to my story...

    I met the first girl I have ever truly loved online. We met on a popular novel fan website and started off by just talking and chatting about irrelevant things. It got to the point where we told each other secrets and counseled each other with our relationships. We traded myspaces, haha and we basically just talked to each other there too and on email and on the phone. Well one day I was browsing through her Myspace and she had a new picture of her lying down in the snow. I fell in love with that picture. I know it sounds weird, but she looked like an angel and the snow radiated off of her skin and my first thought was that I was in love. I quickly told myself that that was stupid and we stopped talking for several months. Then one day I randomly called her up and she was basically like "Oh my gosh, where have you been!?" More months of talking went by and we discovered that we had feelings for each other... we had never met and we wanted to be together...

    We were still in High School at this time and we tried to keep it secret but then both of our parents discovered wht was going on. They forbid us to talk or be in any form of contact. They monitored our computers and phones, so we had to all it quits, right? No we didn't call it quits. We wrote letters to each other in secret. She would wrote letters from an address of her friends and I would write my letters to her friend's address. Her friend would deliver the my letters to her and that's how we kept in contact for nearly a year. Sometimes, she would ride her bike to a pay phone and call me to talk to me for a couple minutes or she'd borrow a friend's cell phone to call me. I couldn't call her because she didn't have a cell phone. We were doing anything we could just to talk to each other... Then her parents found out we were still talking... they took away her computer, her phone, they didn't let her go outside of the house and they didn't even let her have a birthday party.. she was on lockdown... HELL they even put her into therapy!! I was in so much distress at this point and I wanted to break it off with her but she still wanted to go through with it... and we'd find ways to talk when her parents were out of the house or things like that.

    Then one day... her parents decided that it was okay for us to talk... and I started to talk to her parents on the phone too. EVerything was going great! Then my parents decided it was okay even though they didn't approve and they allowed me to take her to her senior prom. Well I won't tell which states it was exactly but it was across the nation... an 18 hour drive... let's say I flew from Florida to Michigan. That's the first time I saw her and I knew that she was the one. We clutched onto each other that first instant and she whispered in my ear that she loved me and we held each other. Then she took me home and I met her parents and I was very nice and cordial and they seemed to like me. I spent 5 days at her house and I took her to her senior prom. We both lost our innocence on prom night. I had to go back to Florida though but we were still madly in love... later on like 6 months later I got to visit her again and we spent a lot more time together.. approximately 2 weeks...

    her entire family and her dog loved me at this point, only my parents were iffy about it. We had an amazing time. And then... after those 2 weeks... maybe another 6 months later... my sister got married and she came down for the wedding... we had another amazing week together, but after the wedding, i could not bear it when she left me... I picked up everything and I drove the 18 hours to Michigan to see her. I told her that I sent her an overnight package on the phone while i was driving and it was a present so she wouldn't miss me as much. I showed up in the morning at her house and called her on the phone and told her to come outside, that's when I was in her driveway... she started crying and ran to my arms. But... we started fighting...

    She started drinking and partying and I found out about this and I didn't want her to party... she had joined a sorority and we were in college by this time and I didn't liek her partying. She had cheated on me but I forgave her and didn't want to let her go. Well, we were arguing on her college campus and I got pissed and started to walk away, I demanded that she bring me back so I could drive to the airport and leave, she refused and she slapped me when i walked away. I got pissed and slapped her back and told her to bring me home. She was quiet and got me into the car and we started driving but we stopped and she told me to get out and just walk. So I basically got out to start waling an she pulled up and begged me to come bak. I refused and she kept driving and pulling over and begging me to come back, so I finally gave in and she kissed me and she was crying and she kept kisisng me and I kissed her back and everything was okay... until I went back home...

    My parents were pissed at what I had done, because when I left to go be with her... I turned down a ROTC Scholarship and I dropped out of college. I didn't care because I got to be with her... until a few months later... she went out partying... and she got drunk again... and she cheated on me... again. I went ballistic, I cussed at her and I threatened her and I told her I hated her and I wished she would die. And I stopped talking to her and she'd try to talk to me again and I'd keep cussing at her until one day I told her if she called me again I would kill her. She stopped calling... and a month went by and I missed her... so I called her back.. but she was pissed at this point so we argued some more. THEN, I recieved a phone call from her dad that he had heard I had threatened his daughter and he would put a restraining order on me if I didn't leave her alone. I agreed even though I was so hurt and I felt like the world was crumbling down around me. I was pissed and hurt and I didn't know what to do so I lashed out... I contacted her best friend... who was the girlfriend of the guy she had cheated on me with... and I told her what happened...

    My ex found out and begged me to fix it and that she'd do anything for me if I'd just fix it... so what did I think? If I fixed it.. she would love me again. So I contacted the ex's best friend again and lied and said that I made everything up because my ex broke up with me. It was too late... my ex used me... she used that against me and said I was harassing her friends... her best friend believed my ex and hated me for 'trying to get them to argue.'

    It's been over a year since then... and we haven't really talekd since... I cried everyday for several months straight but then I stopped and I moved on. I finished my 2 year degree... I got my dream job and I have a new girlfriend... but I still miss her and I still wish she would call me...

    I don't trust anyone... the only one I trust is her... everytime something bad happens I wish I could talk to her... even after all these years... and I don't cry anymore but I still miss her. I've been in public safety for three months now and I love it and it's everything I've ever wanted and I talked abut being in public safety when i was with my ex... and I know that if she knew what i was doing now she'd be proud...

    I guess the reason I'm posting this is ebcause not only do I miss her so bad... but no one supports my career in public safety... My family has basically disowned me and they call me stupid every chance they get because they think it's a low life job... My girlfriend kinda supports me but she worries so much that we argue about it... and i've lost all of my old friends. The only people I have are my fellow brothers and sisters in blue, but I don't want to talk to them about all of this. I'm not depressed or suicidal or anything ... Im just lonely...

    I'm so happy... I'm making a difference and I'm saving lives and I'm helping get crime off the streets... and it's everything I've always wanted... but... there's no one that is happy for me... but me... And I know people always say do what youw ant to do in life that makes you happy... well... I'm lonely with my career of choice... Nobody knows about what happened but me... My current gf knows I had troubles with an ex, but not what happened. My ex was the only person who supported me and beleived in me no matter what I did... she was the only person who took all of my mistakes and loved me for it... and although she cheated on me and it was when we were in high school... I still miss her and love her with everything I have... and I wish that she was still with me.
     
  2. :cry: Very Beautiful Post

    Thank you for writing about the situation, ConfidentialInformant. I hope you are able to peacefully resolve the situation with your ex-girlfriend.

    :hug:
     
  3. DeeKay

    DeeKay Member

    I feel for you my friend. I really do. Girl troubles always get me down too. :( I've met girls over the internet that I fall in love with, and they seem to love me too. But then something always happens to screw it up, and I end up heartbroken.
     
  4. Swollen

    Swollen Active Member

    I had a very simliar (almost eerie in how it's almost exactly how your tale went) experience with an ex of mine. I still love him dearly. We met on the internet years ago and...well it followed almost exactly like yours.
    Anyway, I totally understand how you feel and I want you to know that I'm here for you.
    You say you cried every day for months...I'm still in that area of life--crying every day for months now because of heartache.

    If you need a friend, please sent me a private message here.
     
  5. thedudeabides

    thedudeabides Active Member

    i dont have much to add about the relationship part but i respect your choice in career highly, cops are highly under appreciated as well as many other jobs that are based on helping/protecting the public o.0.
     
  6. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    I've never been in a relationship and I'm 20, lol, so I'm not at all an expert in that area. But I do really hope you can at least get some resolution with her. :hug:

    But I do know what it is like to have people not respect your decisions. For what it's worth (and I know probably it's not much), I'm proud of you for your career decisions. That is a very important and selfless job, and I'm really glad that you've found something you love to do. A lot of people don't, and you should be proud of yourself! :biggrin: