I think suicidal thoughts go hand in hand with drugs/alcohol. I use drugs occasionally, and it is always a disaster afterward. You would think that the human brain would be hip to learning this after years of negative reinforcement; but it is not always the case. I am closer to getting out of use - but not close enough to make me a happy person. In fact, more use leads to guilt which leads to more use. That is a very expensive way of self-therapy. And I am commited to trying to cut this nonsense out of my life.