Whats up guys. Well I was hoping to create a new post telling u guys about how I have a reason to live now because of my new job. (U can read my other post "Another Black Male" for more info.) Well, I do have a new job. I have just became a school bus driver. It pays decent money and I still work part time on the weekends at my other job at Avis Rental Car. So, I work 7 days a week for the time being. I may quit my weekend job eventually, because I am not so thrilled about working every single day. But hey, for the time being, I am financially ok since I make money everyday, but I know that I can quit my weekend job whenever I want to. So, I'm satisfied with my job situatuion, which gives me a reason to live. I am also planning on taking some classes at the University of Arkansas Little Rock next semester and major in what I want, which is Social Work, instead majoring in what my family wants because hey, that is part of the reason why my life is so fucked up now. So, you would assume that life is shaping up good for me. But just when u think that everything is going good, the devil throws me a load of bullshit to deal with. Somehow I am now facing legal trouble. I come home from my weekend job one Sunday evening about 2 or 3 weeks ago to enjoy me some beer. I was staying with my older brother at the time and I was suppose to move out that week. So my brother had one of his drug addict friends over at the house all day. I come home to open up my refrigerator to get me a beer and I noticed that about 3 of my beers were gone. I politely asked the drug addict about my beer and he took it as an offense. So he talks shit 2 me and says he drunk my beer and he'll take the rest of my beer as well. Then he gets to threatening me. So we're talking shit to one another for a while and he decides to step up 2 me. He was in the living room at first and I was in the hallway by the kitchen. When he got in my face, I pulled a kitchen knife on him. So he backs back. My brother wasn't even trying to stop this because he doesn't even care about me. So I got out of the house to call the police so I wouldn't end up murdering the drug addict and so that I can be safe. The police come over and to my surprise, the drug addict had a cut on him. I wasn't aware that he was cut. Maybe I was in such a high mode of rage that I didn't pay attention to the fact that he was cut. It wasn't a major cut, he only had a slice under his chest. If I would of known he was cut I wouldn't have called the police because guess what, the police ended up arresting me and not the drug addict. I protected myself in my home from a repeat criminal offender/drug addict and I get handcuffed. Fortunately I bailed out soon as I got to the police station so I didn't have to do any jail time. I had to pay $200 to keep from going 2 jail. Now I have to go to court soon and fight against an aggravated assault charge, which is a felony. It may be possible that I won't do any jail time if convicted but they can still put a felony on my record if they want 2. So this means that I will lose my job as a school bus driver. And also I won't be able to get another good job with a felony on my record. So, this will mean that my life will be over(you have a very very very very low chance of getting a job with a felony) So what is the only way to escape this, death. I have kill myself in order to prevent suffering on earth as a man with no job because I got a felony. Of course I'm gonna plead not guilty on my first court day soon. But if they say that they are going to take this to trial and that I may get jail time if found guilty, then I'm going to have to kill myself soon because I'm not about to take the chance of going to jail for something I wasn't even wrong for. That man tryed to attack me. U may say why don't I get a lawyer, well the answer to that is simple, I can't afford one now. I don't have enough savings built up yet to hire a lawyer, Every lawyer I've talked with wants about $1,000 or more, I can't afford that. Plus its not fair that my hard earned money, has to go to a lawyer. My life is probably about to be over, all because of my brother and a drug addict. Shit like this makes u wonder about life. I still worship God though and I am not mad at God for allowing this to happen. Maybe God is allowing this because he is calling me and ready for me to go to heaven. So guys, I'm asking u Isn't it wise 4 me to commit suicide so I want have to live as a felon. Who knows I may be in danger of death anyways, if I become a felon I won't be able to make money which means that I will starve to death because I won't be able to afford food. I wanna know your opinions on this matter and I will keep you all informed as the days go by.