Just When I Thought it Was Gettin Better

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Righteous, Sep 25, 2008.

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  1. Righteous

    Righteous Well-Known Member

    Whats up guys. Well I was hoping to create a new post telling u guys about how I have a reason to live now because of my new job. (U can read my other post "Another Black Male" for more info.) Well, I do have a new job. I have just became a school bus driver. It pays decent money and I still work part time on the weekends at my other job at Avis Rental Car. So, I work 7 days a week for the time being. I may quit my weekend job eventually, because I am not so thrilled about working every single day. But hey, for the time being, I am financially ok since I make money everyday, but I know that I can quit my weekend job whenever I want to. So, I'm satisfied with my job situatuion, which gives me a reason to live. I am also planning on taking some classes at the University of Arkansas Little Rock next semester and major in what I want, which is Social Work, instead majoring in what my family wants because hey, that is part of the reason why my life is so fucked up now. So, you would assume that life is shaping up good for me.

    But just when u think that everything is going good, the devil throws me a load of bullshit to deal with. Somehow I am now facing legal trouble. I come home from my weekend job one Sunday evening about 2 or 3 weeks ago to enjoy me some beer. I was staying with my older brother at the time and I was suppose to move out that week. So my brother had one of his drug addict friends over at the house all day. I come home to open up my refrigerator to get me a beer and I noticed that about 3 of my beers were gone. I politely asked the drug addict about my beer and he took it as an offense. So he talks shit 2 me and says he drunk my beer and he'll take the rest of my beer as well. Then he gets to threatening me. So we're talking shit to one another for a while and he decides to step up 2 me. He was in the living room at first and I was in the hallway by the kitchen. When he got in my face, I pulled a kitchen knife on him. So he backs back. My brother wasn't even trying to stop this because he doesn't even care about me. So I got out of the house to call the police so I wouldn't end up murdering the drug addict and so that I can be safe. The police come over and to my surprise, the drug addict had a cut on him. I wasn't aware that he was cut. Maybe I was in such a high mode of rage that I didn't pay attention to the fact that he was cut. It wasn't a major cut, he only had a slice under his chest. If I would of known he was cut I wouldn't have called the police because guess what, the police ended up arresting me and not the drug addict. I protected myself in my home from a repeat criminal offender/drug addict and I get handcuffed. Fortunately I bailed out soon as I got to the police station so I didn't have to do any jail time. I had to pay $200 to keep from going 2 jail.

    Now I have to go to court soon and fight against an aggravated assault charge, which is a felony. It may be possible that I won't do any jail time if convicted but they can still put a felony on my record if they want 2. So this means that I will lose my job as a school bus driver. And also I won't be able to get another good job with a felony on my record. So, this will mean that my life will be over(you have a very very very very low chance of getting a job with a felony)

    So what is the only way to escape this, death. I have kill myself in order to prevent suffering on earth as a man with no job because I got a felony. Of course I'm gonna plead not guilty on my first court day soon. But if they say that they are going to take this to trial and that I may get jail time if found guilty, then I'm going to have to kill myself soon because I'm not about to take the chance of going to jail for something I wasn't even wrong for. That man tryed to attack me.

    U may say why don't I get a lawyer, well the answer to that is simple, I can't afford one now. I don't have enough savings built up yet to hire a lawyer, Every lawyer I've talked with wants about $1,000 or more, I can't afford that. Plus its not fair that my hard earned money, has to go to a lawyer.

    My life is probably about to be over, all because of my brother and a drug addict. Shit like this makes u wonder about life. I still worship God though and I am not mad at God for allowing this to happen. Maybe God is allowing this because he is calling me and ready for me to go to heaven.

    So guys, I'm asking u Isn't it wise 4 me to commit suicide so I want have to live as a felon. Who knows I may be in danger of death anyways, if I become a felon I won't be able to make money which means that I will starve to death because I won't be able to afford food. I wanna know your opinions on this matter and I will keep you all informed as the days go by.
  2. Victori@

    Victori@ Well-Known Member

    it seems like you had everything on track...and then whammmm....!!! I know it's hard but you shouldn't be thinking about ending it all! Life kicks the crap out of us sometimes and it's only up to us to pick ourselves back up and make the right choices! Pulling a knife on him was probably not the best thing you could of done... but that was your choice and you have to face it. I hope everything works out for you at court!! I hope you will fight this!! Everything was going ok for you it seems...


  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Have you talked to your brother about this. Did you find out where he stands thru out this. His testimonie will be a major factor in this. If he decides to stay nuetral thru this then you will have to find a lawyer or ask the courts to give you a public defender. If your brother won't help you then I would tell him to go take a flying f*****g leap off the tallest buildg. in town. Either way you need one or the other to help keep that felony off your record...
  4. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    I think they would have a hard time sticking an aggravated assault charge on you when your intent was clearly self defense. I would have taken his actions as hostile were I in your shoes, although as someone already pointed out pulling a deadly weapon on him was probably not a good idea. Still, your brother can testify that the man was clearly being aggressive and you were only defending yourself. The man didn't end up with any kind of serious injury so you can hardly call what you did an assault, much less aggravated assault. Just get your facts together and your story straight before you go to court and things might go just fine.
  5. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Obviously if you have already been interviewed by the police you can't change the facts when you go to court. If your in America then each place has its own different laws. Assault is ruled assault even know it might not be much in some cases. I suggest getting a lawyer even know its expensive, they might be able to talk it down to a mister meaner instead of a felony which is a lesser charge. I don't know if you can be a social worker with mister meaner or if that implies you have a criminal record.
  6. Righteous

    Righteous Well-Known Member

    I understand that, but the fact is that I can't afford a real lawyer. And I feel that a public defender may not care much 4 the case. If this goes on my record, what reason will I have 2 live? Death may be my only option 2 avoid going 2 jail or avoiding a criminal conviction.
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