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just when you think things can't get any worse.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by realitybites, Apr 4, 2008.

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  1. realitybites

    realitybites New Member

    At the moment I'm weaning myself off one drug so I can't eventually begin a new med regime - all with psychiatrists knowledge btw. I've had the most dreadful cold for over a week now. So between the depression, anxiety, bdd, ocd, etc etc - plus the withdrawal and the cold, my life couldn't feel any more bleak.

    Or could it?

    Tonight I've lost my voice completely. I live totally alone and my mood has taken a dramatic nose dive. Feeling suicidal but can't phone any of the support services because of the loss of voice.

    I'm in a pretty desperate state.

    So here I am. Sorry.

    You know when you think life can't feel any more dire and then ... it does.

    I'm so tired. Physically, mentally. I can't stop coughing, my nose runs continually, my throat is killing me (oh the irony) and I'm running a temperature. I haven't showered in over a week. I want out.

    Why the hell am I keeping going? It's a short walk to the kitchen where I have lots of lovely drugs that could just make all this pain go away permanently.

    God I hate my whining. I hate myself. I hate myself. It was an ugly twist of fate that I was ever born.

    I've lost the rationale to know why I need to be here.

    Please ... someone convince me that this too will pass.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 4, 2008
  2. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I know that feeling well. Just when things are at their worst... something else goes wrong. That's one of the reasons I come here. Just to let my feelings out among people who understand. I may not be able to convince you to keep going, but I can ask you to not do anything final, as there is always a chance of things getting better, of you feeling better. That's how it is for me, anyway. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster, sometimes i'm up and sometimes down, but it changes, and altho I feel quite desperate sometimes, I also feel good sometimes too. All the best to you.:smile: Keep coming back here. You can make some good and loving friends here. I have.:smile:
  3. Fatman1966

    Fatman1966 Antiquitie's Friend


    Try not to be so hard on yourself.

    I have just started down the road of meds, SSRI's (Citalopram), so far I'm not too impressed, but they do seem to help stop the lows, getting too low.

    Don't know if you are a book person, but found a good book, it's helped me think about myself in a different way, which is a big step for me, and I found it a help, it's called "Overcoming Depression" by Paul Gilbert, www.overcoming.co.uk, its helps you see, why you think about things the way you do, and unravels the way depression affects you brain, to change the way your thoughts jump from A to B to C to D, where A and D are totaly unrelated.

    Its not a huge step, but understanding, its not just me and how my thoughts and feelings are not truths, has given me at least a little comfort and help me treat myself ion the same way I treat close friends, rather than being so hard on myself all the time, I'm not not like that with anyone else, so why do I treat my so poorly, that was an eye opener.

    Not sure if you are allowed to post links, no doubt someone will tell me if your'e not

    Sorry in advance if thats the case
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 5, 2008
  4. realitybites

    realitybites New Member

    Thank you for your responses ... and the book link :)

    My cold continues unabated. Haven't got my voice back yet. Coughing so badly I can't sleep at night.

    Have made an appointment to see a doctor for Monday, just in case I'm no better by then. I feel that 10 days suffering like this is long enough.

    Mentally ... well I'm still here, so that's something.

    Again ... thanks ☻
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