Just what the fuck is the point of staying alive? I've been trying to keep a journal of things that make me happy, and yeah I know there are things that make me happy and all, but when I write about them in the journal it feels so fake because I sure as fuck am not as happy and crap like my journal might make it seem. I've been keeping this journal for about a week now, and I've realized when I write in it, I see it as me writing down things I've done before I die. I just feel so okay with the thought of me being dead. I don't currently have a plan, but I've thought about suicide. I've never self-harmed but I've thought about it and come very close to actually doing it. I've thought about death for years. I literally just joined this site right now and this is my first post because I literally just wanted to ask what's the fucking point? Why not just put myself out of this constant...just I don't even know exactly what to call it. I don't know exactly what I'm looking for from this forum but I guess anything is better than nothing.