Just wish I could let go

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Justsolost, Mar 17, 2010.

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  1. Justsolost

    Justsolost Well-Known Member

    Hey everyone. So things have been crazy lately, last week I had a 'crisis' and wanted to die for some time but I got through it, and then was doing much much better. But my depression is getting worse again, and I can't help but feel that I, well, just wish I could let go. Of everything, of life. Not many people care about me, no, but a few really do, and I know their lives would be f***ed up if I did something to end mine. So I'm unable to let go, sometimes only because of them. I just don't know what the hell is wrong with me, all these ups and downs make it so hard for me to know 'what is the real me'???

    I don't know what to do, I just don't know what to do. Forgive the 'pun' but I'm just so lost, just so damned lost.......
     
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    please don't let go....
    are you having therapy or anything?......
     
  3. Justsolost

    Justsolost Well-Known Member

    I want to let go so badly sometimes.........

    No therapy, no professional help of any kind, hiding, hiding from everyone.......

    So afraid of losing my career, that I've so far dedicated my entire life to........

    I don't know what to do, I just don't know what to do........




    I'm holding on for now, haven't let go, not going to let go right now even though god, part of me wants to.........
     
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    why are you hiding?....is your career in jeopardy?
    talking to a doctor will help..he may recommend meds and a good therapist....
    therapy is a good idea to maybe help you sort out who you are .....
    talking on here to others for support is a good move..
    please don't give up before you try everything you can to help yourself...
    we care....
     
  5. stevs2

    stevs2 Active Member

    I went through therapy once before, and the act of unburdening myself helped me for a long time. I recently went through a crisis and rather than seek help, I acted stupidly. I survived and had my first new therapy session earlier this week. The fact that you don't want to hurt your true loved ones says a lot about you. You should try therapy, and give yourself a chance to live life to the fullest.
     
  6. masive

    masive Banned Member

    You need to talk to us lot we will help you as well as everyone else that already is.. Dont let go. It will not achive anything but more hurt and pain for those that care.. x x
     
  7. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    It feels sometimes that we are lost but if we look a little deeper we are not lost at all. Once you get this, you will be fine because you will know that your existence is important in the scheme of life and its evolution.
     
  8. Justsolost

    Justsolost Well-Known Member

    I'm hiding my feelings from everyone around me, I have been for my whole life. Getting help is what would put my career in jeopardy, as I have explained on other threads. Ironic isn't it, that doctors and other health-care providers, who have some of the best training in understanding depression, are unlikely to be able to access help for themselves if they need it. That, and the inherent stress of the health professions, is probably why doctors have a relatively high rate of suicide.


    I've been going it alone for so long now, it's a tremendous burden on me. I don't know how much longer I can last. I'm still holding on, I'm not at the brink of suicide just yet, but god, can I really keep going on like this for another ten years????? I don't know if I want that, I just wish I could let go.

    Thankfully, I have one friend, one single friend I can trust, and I have told her a lot of my 'problems' (though not everything) and I'm serious when I say that without her being there for me, that I don't know if I'd even be alive right now. I just don't know..........



    These last couple weeks, I've been feeling suicidal, much more intensely than normal, but it's still off and on, confusing the hell out of me.........


    Thanks for all the support guys, I really appreciate it. I don't feel like I deserve it, but thanks.
     
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