I've had enough self-defeating thoughts going through my head before he came around, now he managed to add several new ones. Main ones being that I'm always wrong when I express a conflicting opinion, delusional, and everything I feel and think is ridiculous/bullshit and I don't have the right to feel/think it. Like...why? Why do you have to instill these things into my head every day? And how can you possibly think it helps me in the long run? The only thing it helps is it helps me understand that nothing I say matters or is worth listening to because it's all wrong. And what worth does that give me as a person if everything I think, feel, and say is wrong? That just gives me the impression that my entire existence is wrong unless I completely change who I am. And if that's what you want, for fuck's sake why do you stay with me? I know I've asked you this question before many times, and each time you answer with something like "Because that's not you, it doesn't have to be you" or "None of that defines you as a person". But how? How the fuck does that not define me as a person? How is it not me? If my beliefs and the way I think (and therefore, act) doesn't define me as a person then what the hell does? I just don't understand any of this...I want to believe that no one could ever care about me as much as you and I'd be making a huge mistake if I kept trying to find such a person, but jesus christ...like, I don't know. It just hurts. It hurts really badly. No one's ever made me feel so worthless and unimportant before without even (apparently) meaning to. And yes, I know, you would reply to that with "You make yourself feel that way". I know. I've heard it a million times before. I purposely make myself feel like shit because I just love feeling this way and suffering. You're right, I'm wrong, as usual.