Just wish people would stop hurting me.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by AsphyxiateOnMisery, Aug 27, 2014.

  1. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I've had enough self-defeating thoughts going through my head before he came around, now he managed to add several new ones. Main ones being that I'm always wrong when I express a conflicting opinion, delusional, and everything I feel and think is ridiculous/bullshit and I don't have the right to feel/think it. Like...why? Why do you have to instill these things into my head every day? And how can you possibly think it helps me in the long run? The only thing it helps is it helps me understand that nothing I say matters or is worth listening to because it's all wrong. And what worth does that give me as a person if everything I think, feel, and say is wrong? That just gives me the impression that my entire existence is wrong unless I completely change who I am. And if that's what you want, for fuck's sake why do you stay with me? I know I've asked you this question before many times, and each time you answer with something like "Because that's not you, it doesn't have to be you" or "None of that defines you as a person". But how? How the fuck does that not define me as a person? How is it not me? If my beliefs and the way I think (and therefore, act) doesn't define me as a person then what the hell does? I just don't understand any of this...I want to believe that no one could ever care about me as much as you and I'd be making a huge mistake if I kept trying to find such a person, but jesus christ...like, I don't know. It just hurts. It hurts really badly. No one's ever made me feel so worthless and unimportant before without even (apparently) meaning to. And yes, I know, you would reply to that with "You make yourself feel that way". I know. I've heard it a million times before. I purposely make myself feel like shit because I just love feeling this way and suffering. You're right, I'm wrong, as usual.
     
  2. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    This sounds very similar to what I argued with my bf.... I'm not sure what advice or support I can offer but I couldn't ignore this post it's all to familiar... Your feelings are important! Don't let anyone ever make you doubt that.. Your thoughts will always be yours and you can always express them ! I argued long and hard for my opinions and feelings to be heard sometimes they are made to feel insignificant but I don't let it go and understanding takes place... If someone makes you feel insignificant and doesn't allow you the freedom of your thoughts and feelings it may be best to let them out of your life... I hope you keep in mind always that you are intelligent and allowed the freedom of your mind..know you're not alone.. Best wishes
     
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You answered your own question when you said nobody else ever made you feel this bad and worthless. Based on your other post which i responded to a minute ago I would say that in the situation you are discussing the facts point pretty clearly towards the idea that he is the bigger issue and not you and that you would be far better to keep looking for somebody else- you cannot do worse than "No one's ever made me feel so worthless and unimportant before" so do what you know is right and go with somebody else. It is his perception of you and your illness that is the issue- not yours.
     
  4. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    he's the one with the problem.
     
  5. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I've heard these things over and over again so many times now that I can't honestly say I'm 100% sure he's the problem. What if I really am that crazy and impossible to deal with and listen to and I'm just not realizing it? I know I have some pretty out there beliefs that most people wouldn't agree with... I guess I just expected, nevertheless, that regardless of how out there some of them may seem, they would still matter. I always tell him that he doesn't necessarily have to agree with me, in fact I don't even expect that at all with some things because I realize most people don't feel that way...but there are different ways of saying things that are less offensive and insulting. Like, if he just acknowledges my opinion and makes me feel like I have a right to it, and then expresses a conflicting opinion, that's fine...I don't care about that. But it's not like that at all. He always just dismisses it as wrong/crazy/stupid and acts like his way is the only right way. And he says he can't do it any other way because it wouldn't feel right to him to not stand up for what he believes is right. Yet he can't comprehend that it's the same thing vice versa...except the only difference is I don't put his opinions down even though I disagree with them.

    And when I say he thinks I'm delusional, I mean that literally. For instance, a month ago, he told me a story about a situation that happened to him that day. Yesterday, that situation got brought up again because it was relevant to something that happened yesterday, except when he recalled that situation from a month ago, the things he told me about it yesterday compared to what he told me a month ago about the same situation didn't match up at all. And when I told that to him, he denied ever telling me anything I heard. It was like at least 4 or 5 different things in his story that didn't match up to what I heard before, and he claimed that I was crazy because he knows what he said and supposedly it wasn't what I remembered him saying. I snapped because he always does shit like this, I don't know if it's on purpose or by accident, but he always does it. He says things, and then when I recall to him the things he said, he claims to never have said them. If anything, my memory is a hell of a lot better than his, and I'm usually good at remembering the details of what people tell me for extended periods of time. So the fact that he claimed I was delusional and didn't hear what I heard before made me almost snap. It makes me wonder if maybe he lied to me before since every single detail of it seemed to change when he retold the story...but when he denies it all and insults me in the process, I feel helpless, like nothing I say is going to matter. And it even makes me wonder if maybe I really do misinterpret things that much to have heard/understood something totally different than what I thought, or that maybe I am delusional, even though I know deep down that's extremely unlikely. It's like the freaking twilight zone.

    Thank you though, to everyone who responded. At the very least, what you all have said makes me feel less insignificant. I guess I stay because I do believe he doesn't intentionally try to make me feel bad. But I do question sometimes whether the fact that it's intentional or not matters if it keeps producing the same results over and over again.
     
  6. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I just replied to your other post - before reading what you said here.

    Please - really please - stop letting this person make you feel like this. You have a right to your opinions and feelings even if they do happen to be wrong and if his defensive of what amounts to bullying and abuse is that it wouldn't feel right to express himself like a mature and considerate adult (I am paraphrasing) then leave his sorry ass.
     
  7. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Anyone who makes you feel worse about yourself, is not worth your time or kindness. If you are not allowed to have your own thoughts/beliefs without being labelled as wrong/crazy/delusional - then by default - it's saying you're not allowed to be who you truly are. And nowhere does anyone have a right to dictate to you that should be the case.

    I'd be more inclined to suggest you ditch the dead wood of being with him if it is truly more hurtful than beneficial to stay. But that's a decision that you have to be the one to make if it requires it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 28, 2014