Just wondering how to speak to people

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by anarulesmenow, Aug 14, 2010.

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  1. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    Hey, I was just wondering if anyone had any tips on how to approach talking to a close friend about something. Ive been through some stuff in my life, and a lot of the suicidal stuff appears to be coming back. I feel like I need to talk to someone (a close friend) but I'm not sure how to approach it or how to say it. Do you have any tips?
  2. Vampiress892

    Vampiress892 Active Member

    Just don't kid around then bring it up out of the blue, start talking seriously but openly.
    The way I started was, "Hey, Can I talk to you about something?"
    That way you can't really avoid saying it then.
    I'm glad your trying to talk to someone about this.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I would ask him/her if I could talk about something serious..Then let him/her know that they are the one person that you trust..Then start out slow and think about what and how you phrase things..
  4. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    Thanks. I think its the actual telling that's going to be the hardest bit
  5. Black Beauty

    Black Beauty Well-Known Member

    Tell us a bit about your friend and maybe that will give a good indication as to how to approach it.
  6. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    What like?
  7. Black Beauty

    Black Beauty Well-Known Member

    Well, anything. You know your friend, we don't know anything about them. What kind of person are they? What do they usually talk about? How close is your relationship with them and how long have you known them for? Do they look like the sympathetic type or more straight-up type? Are they in a position to be a helpful listening ear/advice-giving mouth? What do you hope to achieve out of talking to them about your issues and what makes you think they are the right person to talk to about them? Etc.
  8. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    This is all great advice, and sitting down and having a serious discussion would have it's benefits. I have another route you can take that would make the whole process easier.

    If you trust this person, and trust yourself, have a talk with them over a few drinks, and in private. Alcohol is a fantastic tongue loosener, and they call it liquid courage for a reason. As well as this, it will relax both of you and will make the environment and atmosphere around the coversation easier, familiar and more comfortable. If you have never had a personal and serious talk with them about something like this, the whole thing will be completely new to both of you.

    Don't drink enough that you start to not care much or at all about what you say, and make sure your friend is not tipsy enough to not take you seriously. Also, if you ease into this first talk comfortably, any talks later on will be easier, and you probably won't even need the drinks first because you both generally know what it will be like.

    This is just a suggestion I am making, talking from past experience and knowing the benefits. I've tried it both ways, and the serious, quiet sit down is awkward and restrained, while the relaxed, almost comfortable setting is almost like you are doing something you would usually do as friends, except a bit more personal. If you are underage or don't drink, just replace having a few drinks with waching a good movie or going shopping or something casual beforehand. That reminds me of another important thing: don't just meet up with this person and immediately open up, hang around each other for a while, doing what you would normally do, and then ask if she wants to talk with you about your situation.

    There are 4 other things that apply to any serious conversation that you should do:

    1. Indicate or tell her beforehand that you want to have a proper talk about something.
    2. Make sure your friend wants to talk about it.
    3. Try not to just jump into the most important/serious part of what you want to talk about. Say that you have been feeling a bit bad lately, or you are doing things a bit different than usual.
    4(The most important one). Be prepared for questions you hadn't expected, be prepared that you may tell her more than you expected, and know that the conversation won't go exactly like you think it will. But it can't go terribly, right?

    Basically, just try and approach this as if it isn't out of the ordinary and make sure you are both comfortable talking about it.

    And if this person likes to casually gossip about other people, don't talk to them about your problem. Talk to your parents instead.
  9. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    One word- honesty. Be honest and be yourself. Be vulnerable, and trust in others to be there. Blessings..
  10. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the advice, I reckon it could help quite a few other people on here too. The problem with sitting down and having a few drinks is that my friend lives quite a way away from where I live and I'm not going to be seeing her for a while. I also think I might be a bit too shy or embarrassed face to face. We are quite close and I have asked her to speak before and she said we could talk about stuff anytime but that was ages ago and nothing else has been said. I'll try though.
  11. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    I had just plucked up the courage and was just about to ask her and then she had to go offline and im not sure if i can pluck up the courage again.
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