Just wondering

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by fragmentoffaith, Aug 10, 2015.

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  1. First of all excuse my english, i might make a mistake here and there. I come from Europe.

    So I'm new. And the reason why I am here is that durring the past few years i lost it. I am 21 years old. My depression started when I was 15. Bullied, no money, no father, no mother beside me, no concerned siblings. So I went into this very dark place started smoking ,burning myself, drinking. I tried to kill myself when i was around 16.My mother was working very far away and hadnt came home for 8 months so she didnt know what i was going through. When she found out she pretended like she heard nothing. She was ashamed of me. Since then my motivation for everything is gone. I went for a year to university and then i quit, now I am in a foreign country living with my boyfriend yet still unmotivated. There are some good times , I laugh and I go to courses for learning the language! But there are bad times as well.
    The worst time here was one horrible week.At the end of it I locked myself in the bathroom and cut up my arm and leg, not deep just enough so it stings. I hadnt done that in 2 years.My boyfriend has never seen me like this and I definatly hurt him. I shouldnt have...
    So I wonder when is this going to stop... Honestly I am tired of these mood swings.Im just tired of the lack of motivation. I dont want to cry anymore and make people arround me sad. I dont want my love to leave me for it. I have only him right now and he is my rock I hold on to in a storm. Somedays I feel like I want to sink into the ground because I am so unhappy with myself.. So I would love it if I could get to know some of you who have battled through this.. I want to know Your experience! Because I would really like to be better I just dont know how to do it. I have no friends so ... please talk with me...

  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    So far as "when is it going to stop" , - It will get better when something changes. Go to the dr to get help or go back to someplace where you have supports if possible. If not possible to do either of those you need to find ways to support yourself and to not harm yourself that just causes you to feel worse and more problems. Waiting for things will not work- you need to seek out shelters or programs to help you because unfortunately unless you actively look for ways yo get help, you will not get any.

    If you care to share where you are in Europe I am sure people can give you some ideas of agencies or programs to look into.
  3. Thanks for the reply.
    It took me some time to come to the same conclusion to be honest but i guess I had to see it written on a Forum to analyse it... Heh silly me.
    However I am ery greatful to have found all of you good people!
    Again thank you for your reply! I appreciate it! :)
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