I feel so worthless sometimes, don't know how to change it. I've been on several different medications for depression and anxiety, even antipsychotics for questioning reality and experiencing mild hallucinations. On top of my mental problems, I have a multitude of physical complications. Including mild to severe back problems, and a nagging, fierce pain in my right hand. So, I've been in worse shape now than in my entire life, and it only seems to get worse. I've never had any social relationships with anyone. I have no friends, mainly because I push everyone away due to constant paranoia and seeing things in black and white terms which severly influence how I act around other people. Mostly apathetic and withdrawn. As a result, I feel utterly torpid and worthless. I also have a short attention span that makes me seem incompetent in most tasks, which only fuels my beliefs. Getting up everyday is an extreme challenge because I don't see the point. For the past several years, I've had suicidal thoughts almost everyday and they only seem to increase with time. I feel hollowed out on the inside, yet very petulant. Every single day merely increases that irritation to the point where I want to explode. I'll understand if no one replies to this post, it's not something most people can relate to. I just wanted to get my "feelings" out.