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Just yesterday I purchased the supplies I needed to kill myself.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by silent_enigma, Feb 1, 2008.

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  1. silent_enigma

    silent_enigma Well-Known Member

    Just yesterday I purchased the supplies I needed to kill myself. It was strange. I always thought going through with that purchase would be an anxious and emotional experience, but it didn't feel like anything.

    I don't have any date set or anything. But I just get to feeling so frustrated and hopeless, like nothing is ever really going to change. I've got 3 kids but it feels like 4. My wife spends most of everyday, and all of the evening, just sitting or laying around. She tried antidepressants for a little while but it backfired and just made her worse. It was a real letdown, because I had been trying to get her to seek treatment for 9 months or so, and she'd get real ornery whenever I'd bring the subject up saying I'm the source of any bad feeling she ever had (sort of). Gradually more and more of the responsibility and work has been shifted to me over the past year+. I just don't know what to do, it feels hopeless. I felt stressed enough as it was before.
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    I know it feels hopeless, but it's not. Even though you haven't set a date, you sound pretty sad and without hope. Hang in there. Is there someone you can talk to? Like, a professional?

    It's time to pull out all the stops and fight this depression. You clearly know about some of the treatment options out there, please tell someone how close you are to suicide. Of course, we'll all be here on SF, if you need to share, or to vent. I've certainly found this place a great help, especially on those long, dark nights.

  3. donovan

    donovan New Member

    thats how i felt with my first attempt. there was no remorse, no sadness, no anger and no reason not to. talk to your wife, if shes to depressed to do anything, shes probably going to kill herself once your dead, and then your 3 kids have nothing to do but the same.
    4 for 1 weigh the benefits
  4. psilocybin420

    psilocybin420 Member

    hey man, try and find something to live for we are inthe same boat i have supplies to kill myself in my garage.
  5. silent_enigma

    silent_enigma Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies everyone.

    I know. That's what keeps holding me back so far. But I get so damn sick of being the family slave.

    I feel so numbed and drained lately, it's like my AD's suddenly stopped working. Very little brings me the enjoyment it used to.
  6. Dreamer uk

    Dreamer uk Well-Known Member

    Hi mate, sorry to hear you are feeling so down.

    What AD do you take?

    The doctors have plenty of options to consider, could you go back to the doctor to ask for a higher dose or to go on a stronger antidepressant?

    I hope things work out better for you.

    Take care
  7. silent_enigma

    silent_enigma Well-Known Member

    I'm on nefazodone (aka Serzone), which was working pretty good for a while. I thought I'd turned a new leaf. And I did get my dose increased (a little bit) last week. Too bad meds don't work better.
  8. Dreamer uk

    Dreamer uk Well-Known Member

    It says that one can work on noradrenaline as well, so maybe you can feel the weaker effects of the drug ware off.

    This is what Wikipedia says about the drug:

    There are lots of other antidepressants, have you ever tried any?

    How long have you been on your current antidepressant?

    It says that can be prescribed upto 600mg, although probably upto about 300mg would be more reasonable. I'm sure there are better antidepressants around, and there are ones which will give you a stronger antidepressant effect but these drugs are not without their downsides. It is hard to find the right drugs that do the best job. People will often swap their drugs to a different one which they find works much better. Also it can take a while for them to take an effect, if you've just increased you dose then it may take a while for you to notice the benefits. What I have found with the antidepressants is more is not necessarily better.

    If you're not happy go back to the doctor and see what else he can do for you.

    Hope things improve for you.
  9. AdvRider

    AdvRider New Member

    I feel your pain. I purchased my 'freedom' this afternoon. I'm on the fence but if my life doesn't catch a break in the next week -- I'm out of here.
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