Just yesterday I purchased the supplies I needed to kill myself. It was strange. I always thought going through with that purchase would be an anxious and emotional experience, but it didn't feel like anything. I don't have any date set or anything. But I just get to feeling so frustrated and hopeless, like nothing is ever really going to change. I've got 3 kids but it feels like 4. My wife spends most of everyday, and all of the evening, just sitting or laying around. She tried antidepressants for a little while but it backfired and just made her worse. It was a real letdown, because I had been trying to get her to seek treatment for 9 months or so, and she'd get real ornery whenever I'd bring the subject up saying I'm the source of any bad feeling she ever had (sort of). Gradually more and more of the responsibility and work has been shifted to me over the past year+. I just don't know what to do, it feels hopeless. I felt stressed enough as it was before.