I feel so lost, confused, angry and overwhelmed right now. I dont belong anywhere. Not here or in RL. Simply because no one really understands me. I'm too tired to tell it all over again. And I always feel too intimidated to ask for help. So many others searching for it too. Earlier today I thought I'd come home get on this stupid computer and scream HELP!!!! But now it's gone. Instead I'm sitting here with a bottle of wine and way too many meds and confused. I dont know what to do the pills and wine or the wine and go find the gun. Or go for a ride and see what happens. It's like a giant panic attack throughout my body and mind. I cant stop it and I want to. I dont like who I am right now. It's not me. Damn it it's not me!!!!! Ahh screw it. The kdis are falling off to bed one by one. Just like a buffett I'll try a little of everything. Cant make things any worse.