Just...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by itmahanh, Oct 4, 2010.

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  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Does any one out there really think I'm too stupid to realize the pain I'm going to be leaving behind? And how sorry that I am and that I will be doing that? That I'm not aware how the pain I'm in and have been hasnt hurt everyone around me? But my pain is real too. Doesnt it count? You will all move on. Me I cant move an inch anymore. Just..... let me go.
     
  2. Punk

    Punk Well-Known Member

    People wont move on. Everyone who knows you will be absolutely devastated for years and years. And then some. Suicide isn't an option.

    Talk to someone
     
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Talk to who? My pdoc that just up and retired after 8 years and not even any notice? My mental health worker that doesnt have a clue? My therapist that is into one technique to cope and if it doesnt work for you oh well? My cancer doc who cant see why I'd be depressed? My GP who just keeps giving me more and more useless meds thinking one might do the trick? My kids? My mental and physical health issues have taken enough of a toll on them. My family that look at me as the black sheep and use every opportunity to put me "in my place"? People from here? They all have their own problems and demons. And there are those from here that only sought me out to hurt me further. Wanna know how many times I've posted in this very forum with method in hand and ended posting to myself just to prevent myself from following through? Chat? I use that to trigger cuz I never ever get any help there. I know I can sit in triggering for ever and no one will come in. So I hold that card for when I really need it.

    I"m sorry. I'm not angry with you. Just fed up with everything including life itself. The people that really know me, will move on because they will know I'm finally free. No, talk time is done. Maybe should of posted somewhere else in the forum. I not asking for help. I'm just asking to be let go of.
     
  4. dontwannabeme

    dontwannabeme Well-Known Member

    hey,

    I might be not the person too say this and no im not saying you should this or that.
    But dont go just for your kids already. Your death will be so mutch harder on em.
    And yes i know im suicidal aswel.
    But i dont have anyone that will miss me that mutch when i leave when i go. Kids are like o_O
    so hang in there :) I hope you can.

    Big hug
    signed
    Dontwannabeme
     
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I understand what you're saying ....and I often think how selfish it is to want someone to stay around when they're in such pain....
    I'm torn from both sides of the fence so i won't offer advice...just know I understand how you feel..:hug:
     
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I know this feeling so well.
    And I feel trapped by other people's devastation should I give in.
    I guess plodding on gets me through the worst days and thats good I guess, cos things do lighten sometimes and those moments are good :hug:
     
  7. Johnnyc

    Johnnyc Well-Known Member

    I am so sincerely sorry that you have to go through what most do not haveto go through, but I do not know your family, but I am sure they do not want you to commit suicide. As painful as I can not even imagine, I as a loved one would want to spend as much time as possible with the one they love. I know suicide feels of freedom, but freedom from what, pain or love.



    Just my thoughts
     
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Sorry i will not give you that permission and you know better then i we don't move on. i have not moved on from my bro suicide i will never move on. So although i do understand you pain no iwill never say its okay to end ones life when so many lifes will be devasted by it never I will be devasted by your death you are one only one in a few that understand me and have help me not leave here. Dam it yes i am selfish but i too have the right to be.
     
  9. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    I know what you mean. I understand what it feels like to have someone downsize your pain. It sucks. They dont take into consideration the pain your in. If you need to talk I'm here. And purely selfish reasons i hope you stick around. Your a wonderful person and i would miss you sooo much! :hug: I know it is all so intense and it sucks. But we love you. And I hope you stick around! :) again feel free to pm me anytime. I can give you my email to if you want as well. Or msn. Im willing to do anything I can to help you! Just let me okay?? Let me try.
     
  10. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    things get out of hand no i get out of hand so fast. things just jump and i and it all move too fast. i get lost in the thoughts and urges. no one can find me now.
     
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