What justifies running away? What justifies cutting yourself? What justifies ending your life? Living in poverty? I don't have any money for food so I have been relying on the generosity of others. (which bothers me to no end) My clothing has holes in it and my shoes barely stay together. Social Inadequacies? I have very few people I can consider friends and, most of the time, I don't think they enjoy being with me. I have no girlfriend and I beat myself up (literally and figuratively) if I think about past relationships. Academic downfall? My grades are slipping below passing. I am in college and I am paying what little money I have on these mistakes. Mental Instability? I am very depressed and contemplate the means of which I can end my life every day. I have become much more moody and I can not sit still with my thoughts. I have an undying urge to hurt myself, but I can not justify why. I haven't cut in 3 months. I want to so badly, and the only thing that is stopping me (aside from throwing out my razor) is that I don't want people to see the scars. I rock climb and I need to wear short sleeve shirts and shorts whenever possible. I crave my destruction. I want to run away. I have planned everything out to the minute, but I just can't do it. Aside from it being illegal, I would be leaving all my debts and problems with my remaining family and "friends" Thus why committing suicide is difficult for me as well. I still want to try...I dont know. Fuck this im so fucking stupid stop reading my god damn posts.
