I'm at a tipping point. If I decided to go ahead and buy this weapon there will be no way that I won't use it to blow my head off. If I have it I WILL use it. Of this I have absolutely no doubt. The only thing that's stopped me from killing myself lately is my knowledge that most methods of suicide are woefully ineffective. But a gun would truely be a means to an end... Don't bother asking me why. I'm sure there are some old threads of mine you could go back and read because I won't bother to explain it again. It's more or less the same story as everyone else here. Life for me is painful and meaningless. Every day is an agonizing struggle and so on and so forth... Outwardly, I'm doing quite well in most respects actually. I have a great job now, doing good work and working with nice people to help the community recover from this flood we had. I'm back in school and making good grades. I find my studies stimulating for the most part. I have some wonderful friends and my relationship with my family has improved somewhat. Despite this I want to die. My depression makes me so tired. I can't move. I get resentful that I have to do anything. I find myself hating everything and everyone I have to deal with. I'm just fucking tired. I'm tired and I can't sleep at night so I'm looking at used gun adds. One way or another I want this to end so I can get some rest. Also, fuck you and your pills. I can't take em because I messed up my liver. And FUCK therapy.