kali - please stay with us

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Wastingecho, Apr 5, 2010.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    hon, i know you're in a lot of pain and i will stay with you as long as it takes because i don't want to lose you and a lot of other people here don't want to lose you either

    you're in a dark place right now

    please come back to us so that we can help you find your way back to the light

  2. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    i am trying echo
    it is very dark
    i don't feel good
    i don't feel very good at all
    i am so confused
    and i hurt so much right now
    and i am scared
  3. ASolitaryBlue

    ASolitaryBlue Well-Known Member

    *infinite hugs for kali*
    we love you and we want to help you feel better
  4. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    **hugs** for you
    it's just going to make it worse
  5. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    what do you mean by scared Kali?
  6. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    kali, stay strong! :hug: hope things improve very soon for u x
  7. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    i am not accustomed to being afraid, kind of fearless by nature.

    but i just feel scared all the time
    i'm not quite sure why

    i don't know if it's the consciously stepping into the unknown

    or if it is from isolating and then the alone gets really big and scary


    this is such a bad idea echo
  8. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    hugs kiddo
  9. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    Do you think you maybe shifting internally...alot of feelings that may have been repressed from the death of your loved ones? Seems recently you have been writing to them on here.....

    Are you able to sleep the last few days? Does anyone in your real life know that you are struggling to this paralyzing degree?
  10. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    i coped with my losses. no prob.

    right now, it's just i can see everyone standing there...it's like come on kid, let's go it's not that hard. just jump. i feel like a coward i've not yet gone...it is easy enough to do. ii have enough mentors.


    i am the rock. ppl get scared, confused, concerned about life in general if i am less than solid. no one sees the rock has cracks all throughout and is going to shatter with the next bump.

    this is such a bad idea

    i don't feel okay.
  11. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    So you see your loved ones that passed,,,,,as if they want you to cross over? That's what I'm hearing you say.....
  12. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    i've lost quite a few friends and relatives to suicide
    and yes, right now it's as though they are beckoning me, supporting me.

    likely it is more my head seeing them as mentors
    if they were able to do this so easily
    i too can take strength from that and just go
    i feel ashamed i have not just done it


    i don't feel so good
  13. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    Kali, you sound guilt stricken from all this...
    You know that they are not actually there right?
    What do you expect to happen if you listen to them?
  14. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    physically in front of me, i know they are not right there.

    it is that i am able to take strength from them do to this.
    how do i explain, they did this, they found it within themselves
    to do this...if they could, i can too.
  15. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    and why......why do you want to do this?

    Do you think they, yourloved one would want you to end your life????
  16. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    i do.
    i do know they would want me too.
  17. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    I know you do... but how do you know "they" would want you to???
  18. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    they were good ppl

    they chose that route because they could no longer
    bear being here and hurting so much

    they would not want me to hold on indefinitely with no hope
    of ever feeling okay

    i am certain they would agree, that i have led a very full life,
    i've done enough, i am tired. i am done. i just want to go now.

    i don't feel so good.
  19. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    I'm sure they were good people Kali.....what were they hurting from....alot of us here don't know what happened?

    Kali, the suicidal ones that don't make it......the ones the attempt and live.....and the contuing suicidal ones, we ALL at some point are reaching out so others can save us......your right it gets tiring, painful etc but your loved ones would want you to continue living a life free of torment......that is WHY they left b/c they didn't know how....but you need to be stronger...for yourself and for them..........

    I know it's late and you are tired Kali but can you at least update us in the morning....you don't have to engage with the entir site or respond to every pm but just check in with us?

    You are not alone Kali....there are alot of people concerned about you....but i need to let them know too so again, would you please just check in with us?
  20. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    none of them failed
    not one attempted and failed
    they all went on their first try.
    i take strength from that

    i just don't feel good and i am scared
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